trials of parenting

The past week has been hard.  Hard on us, for sure, but harder on N.  He's pulling through and the natural resilience of childhood will help him endure - the pain, the anxiety and the stress of the moment.  And soon, he'll be back bouncing off the walls once more, this painful incident forgotten.  He's so young now, years from now, he will not even remember this.

The real trial is for us.  Parenting has been one big guilt trip.  Are we doing enough? Are we giving enough? Are we planning enough, are we providing enough?  Always doubting whether we can be doing something better, even though we are giving a 110% of all that is possible. 

And it is so even in this case.  No amount of sleep deprivation, anxiety, planning, taking infinite amounts of time off from work, etc seem to have been enough to deal with the stress, to deal with the guilt of having put him through this.  N has taken more than the stipulated time to recover, and his pain and stress are enough to elevate ours to extremely high levels.  While maintaining sanity and calm outwards for his sake, it has taken its toll.  I'm exhausted and cranky myself.  And yet, I have to stay focused.  Yet, I have to be mom.  That job never ends. 

Cannot wait for next week.