She tries to remember what she would tell the child when he was in pain or scared.  She would tell him to try and be brave.  Now it was time to walk that talk.  She has to be brave.  Even though anxiety and uncertainty are threatening to take over.  In a fleeting second when thoughts are in over-drive and she can de-focus from the fear of the moment, she wonders how she could have possibly not realized and addressed the issue and situation earlier.  Perhaps it was because she was so totally pre-occupied with something else back then.  Pre-occupied to the point of obsession.  How can one be pre-occupied for the better part of a year, she now wonders.  Why didn't she open her eyes and really see?  Why didn't she put herself and her needs in the foreground?  Her real needs, not the perceived ones, the ones that perhaps were responsible for her situation now.  It is so that sometimes in life, you are forced to live and learn.  It is just that sometimes, the lesson comes a little too late.  And at a high price.  She forces herself to not let this frightening thought get to her.  She reminds herself that tomorrow, she will know.  And she will have access to help.  Today, though, calls for waiting.  And being brave.  As much as is at all possible.