Control our lives?

Is not each of us in control of our lives?  It is true.  We are.  So many times, we feel like we have no control over how things shape up.  So many times, we feel like we are losing control, that things spiral out of control.  It is easy to fall into that trap, though.  Yes, there are times when things don't happen the way we want or plan.  There are times when we don't have a say in how something turns out.  However, it is a mistake to think that in aggregate, we have little control over our life and the course it takes.  Come on, really now?  Take a look around you.  There are thousands - no - millions, of people who actually do not have any control over their life.  They don't have a say, they don't have a choice.  They don't have freedom, or the luxury to question, to even think that it is possible that their life could be or should be any different.  Makes me think - what moment of randomness deigned me to be who I am, where I am...such that I am able to live my life.

So anyway, you and I? We are in control.  We have control.  We just like to think - way more often than we should- that we don't have control.  That we are helpless victims of destiny.  That there is nothing to do but come to terms with the fact that we don't control our life.

Its crazy, really.  So easy to fall into that trap.  And so difficult to admit to ourselves, that we are really in charge of what happens in our life.  So difficult to accept, and so difficult to take responsibility for how things have come to be.  For how we have made them happen to be.

How much to reveal?

How much do you reveal about your self?  Obviously, the way you relate to people is totally dependent on the situation and circumstance.  You deal with people at work.  Then of course there is immediate family, extended family, friends, acquaintences.  And finally random strangers you come across. 

How much of yourself do you reveal to each of them?  One important category of people are your colleagues.  Team mates, direct reports, managers, and senior executives.  There are meetings and forums of all sorts and types.  Varies settings.  Numerous opportunities to speak up and speak out.  Question is - how much do you reveal about yourself in these settings?

I got some feedback at work that I dont do this.  And that sometimes it is necessary.  I try to keep things at work about work. I am fairly gaurded about what I say about my personal life.  When I listened to the feedback, I understood the point of it, though.  After a while it becomes important to relate to people on a personal level.  Even at work.  Even in a professional setting.  The key is to do it safely and maturely.  That's when the connection with people grows stronger.  So, I got the feedback and am taking it to see if I can change anything.

However, that got me thinking to how I operate in general.  Even outside work, I am fairly guarded about what I reveal about myself.  I began to question that.  Why do I do that?  I see people around me who have absoultely no qualms about talking about any aspects about their lives to a wide and diverse audience.  Just log into Facebook and there is more than ample evidence of this.  Truth is, I'm a little repelled by that.  How can you talk about intimate things about your life to random people?  People upload information and photos like nobody's business.  About their lives, their vacations, their kids!!

I dont understand it.  However, that is entirely their business.  They seem to be adults who should know how it works.  The point for me though, is that the disinclination I have to reveal things also permeates others facets of my life, I think.  In general, some people have told me on and off that I just keep my cards so close to my chest.  It is true.  I dont share what I dont feel like sharing.  What I feel is not really anybody's business but my own.  Even with family, even with friends, I am reluctant to let everything be known.  Why, though.  Am I afraid of getting too close?  What's wrong with that?  Or is it just the cynical me who has tried to do this and then realized that the way the world works is that somehow you end up paying some sort of price for that...and that is has happened enough number of times for you to decide to clam up once and for all....

Anyway, seems like I am rambling on.  I have noted this point seriously enough though.  I need to work on what and how much I can change about this.  In a way that still makes me feel safe.  Its important to not be too closed up.  Its important to let people (as much as it makes sense) know things about you from time to time.  I get that.

Just do It

If you want to do something - just do it.  That's it.  Just go ahead and do it.  The time for excuses is over.  The need for over-analyses is done with.  The same old fears and doubts must be thwarted.  The habit of procrastination must be crushed.  Once and for all.

I have applied this to three things starting beginning of this year.  And all three have worked out great.  I need to continue to focus, continue to invest to see that it comes through.  Beginning is only half the battle.  But I have begun.  And that's the important part.

So, if you've been wanting to do something, and you wanted it really bad - just push yourself and go do it.  You might just be surprised by how well it goes.

Of mentors and whizzing time

Its just amazing when I stop to think about it - how time just flies by.  Whizzes by.  I have a mentor at work.  He's a very senior guy and someone I respected from the first day that I met him.  The way he applies himself at work, manages a team, creates value, and develops relationships with people on the team is just inspiring.  I want to learn from him.  And also just use him as a sounding board for ideas and thoughts on the progress I want to make in my career.  So, I asked him to be a mentor.  He readily agreed.  He is currently mentoring some ten or so folks across various teams.  Obviously a sought after person.  I am glad that he's making the time to talk to me.  Every three weeks.  After each conversation, I leave feeling energized, and more engaged in the investment that is my career.  Each time I meet him, I realize another three weeks has just flown by.  Again.  Just incredible. 

Thanks GP for your time.

More on relationships...

Yes, I'm probably seriously harping on this, but its hitting me over and over again these days.  Relationships.  How these turn out, as time goes by.  There are good ones, and great ones, and strained ones, formal ones, energizing ones, superfluous ones...and then there are the ones that define who you are.  The ones that are at the core of your existence, really. 

Then there are ones that sustain you.  Ones you cannot do without.

And also, there are ones that no matter what you invest in, or think you should invest in - that always leave you holding the short end of the stick.  So, what you have to do there, is to let it go, and move on.  Some things are not worth it, and no matter how you try, there is no justification for how things turn out.  The world does not operate by your sense of what is right and what is wrong.  Tough pill to swallow, but there you have it.

Bottom line - cherish the relationships that bring you positivity - perhaps as energy, peace, love, friendship, joy...

And forget about the ones that don't.  Move on.  They're not worth it.

What matters...

Things in your life will come and go.  How you deal with these is not relevant in the grander scheme of things.  What ultimately matters, are the relationships closest to you.  In the end, the very end, those are what you will remember, and those are what will be your legacy...

What an amazing week its been

A really amazing week is moving along and coming to a close.  Well, at least the weekday part of it anyway.  What a week its been.  So much got done.  And so much more to be done.  I think I lived on sheer adrenaline the whole time. 

Today I am going to the school, to meet the student and the teacher.  Lets see what happens.  I have been looking forward to this day for a long while.  And then there is yoga after that.  Perfect way to unwind after the week, and yet be energized at the same time. 

The weather is simply perfect these days.  Making sure we spend all the time outdoors that we can.  N is just loving it.  He can spend infinite amounts of time at the playground.  Ah, childhood....and yet, I love spending all that amount of time there with him...

Life really is too short.  I want to remember all my blessings, and I have many.  I will do what I have to do, and just try to live the moment to the fullest...

Monday morning (Sunday evening) blues?

It's going to be a long week.  A really long week.  It's that feeling you wake up with on Monday morning.  In fact, it starts on Sunday evening.  After N went to bed last night, I started organizing how my Monday would go in my mind, and of course my calendar.  My brain is buzzing with the list of things to be done.  Much is on the list.  For work as well as outside.  A day of travel also included.  And of course there is the exam.  It's time to start preparing in earnest for it.

It's going to be a long week.  Best to go into it head-long, and knowing it.

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

Skiing down the Mountain

Proved to myself (again) that I am not beyond trying something completely new...and seemingly risky.  I am proud of myself, seriously.  How often it is easy to take the easy way out, look for that path of least resistance.  I am just glad that I have the willpower to fight that inertia, and step out of that comfort zone.  And learn something new.  Just like that.

Yep - went skiing and hit the slopes on Friday.  With COF jantha.  Most of them hit the advanced slopes, coz that's what they are - advanced skiers and snow-boarders.  Me, a total novice.  A few years ago, I tried my hand at snow-boarding and had a rather hard time staying off my back-side.  It was tough, and I did not learn properly.  I should have.  I let the pain dominate over resolve.  Anyway, that was then.

This time, I decided to brave it out and learn to ski.  So, I signed up for a lesson.  Wanted to learn the basics.  So, there I was, all geared up (unbelievably heavy those boots are, damn it!) and ski-d up, and ready to go.  Of course, even with the instructor's guidance I fell.  Many, many times.  This stuff is not easy.  And it is painful.  And if you are not careful how you fall, you can hurt yourself really bad.  That's solid packed ice out there. 

What I am proud of though, is that I didn't give up.  I almost did, mind you.  But I kept at it.  A little over an hour of really trying, and I finally started to get the hang of it.  I finally started to master the baby slopes.  I made a few complete runs down without falling.  The intermediate slopes were a little more challenging.  For a true beginner such as myself, its scary not having control when you start zipping down.  The only way to slow down or stop is to turn your skis and make a turn.  And that is really the key thing to master.  And it is super difficult until you get it.  Like cycling.  The problem is, each time you fall, it really hurts, and then you have to take off a ski to be able to stand up.  Then you have to put it back on.  And that's challenging because you are on a slippery slope.  And finally when that's done, you have to start again.  You end up using muscles you never knew existed to try to keep your balance.

Several hours later, I got back on the bus aching all over.  I knew the next 2 days were going to be super painful.  However, it felt great that I had made the attempt to learn something.  And that I actually did.  Now I just need to go back again and practise.

To-Do Item # X - learn to ski - Check.

Taking another chance....

Do you quit while you are ahead?  Or do you take that chance once more...just once more, you tell yourself.  But, you have the benefit of past performance.  You have the wealth of historical data.  Should you use that to project into the future?  Should you use that to extrapolate the future end-state?  You already know the down-side....so, is taking the chance worth the upside?

How do you make these really difficult decisions?  It is a choice, ultimately is it not?  And the choice is all yours.  Should you be like that software program on standardized tests that tailors future questions based on correctness of answers to current questions?  Should you even bother to be that analytical in the first place?  Are these life choices meant to be handled in a completely different way?  With the heart and not the mind?

Do you quit while you are still ahead....or do you take that one last chance....because it makes sense in your heart.....

Inception

Finally watched it on Netflix yesterday.  Clearly, I am beyond late to this party.  But that is how it is these days.  In any case, I loved it.  Clearly superior script writing and plot.  Superb acting by Caprio and gang.  Chris Nolan delivers once again, just like he did with Memento and Dark Knight, etc.

Somebody please just answer one question - its obvious (or is it?) that in the end (and here I un-ashamedly throw in a SPOILER ALERT), Cobb is dreaming about finally landing in LA and meeting his kids.  But, the question is, is he dreaming it in the 4th level where he is in "limbo" with Saito?  I think so. 

Disagree?  Tell me why....

Relationships

As you go through life, it is amazing how some key relationships work out.  In your younger days you have very set notions, you assume that these relationships will be a certain way for always.  And then you get pleasant shocks as you go through, grow through life.  And sometime rude shocks.  Very rude shocks.  But this is the reality of relationships.  And some of them, the ones you depended on in those younger, more naive days - the ones that you thought would be the ones to sustain you as you went along - those are the ones that end up being the most disappointing.  Sometimes gut-wrenchingly so.  Suddenly one day you wake up and realize that you have changed, they have changed, almost everything about the relationship itself has changed.  It is symbiotic no more.  It is energizing no more.  And it is nurturing no more.  And yet you have to invest at least the bare minimum in it.  Because that is how the world works.

For me, I have had some life altering realizations in these last couple of years.  As far as relationships are concerned, that is.  I have had eye-opening moments when I have realized which should be the key relationships in my life, and which ones end up being more investment than any kind of positive return.  My world-view has changed.  Mostly for the better.  But sometimes, my heart has been broken.  Not because I am not strong enough to handle it, or that it is the end of anything.  Not at all.  On the contrary, I have gained almost as much as I have lost.  My pillars are still in place.  I am heart-broken because these are the relationships I thought would be the most important ones that I would have in this phase of my life.  Well, anyway, life does not work that way.  Any naivete you had about these things when you were younger and less worldly-wise is appropriately dismissed by life's reality.

In any case, I am just thankful for all the positive relationships in my life.  I am fortunate for what I do have and that is what I will invest in.

Soulmate

Who is your soulmate? 

Is it the one who knows you like you know yourself....

Is it the one you think of in the midst of every random thought....

Is it the one who understands you when you need to be understood...

Is it the one who sings a love song in your dreams....

Is it the one you turn to when your mind is troubled....

Is it the one you want to share your joy with...

Is it the one who gives you forgiveness when you need it...

Is it the one who comforts you when you hurt...

Is it someone fate destined you to meet...

Is it someone who is more than a memory...

Who is your soulmate?

Mistakes

It is BETTER

to make a mistake and then realize the folly of your way and make amends...

THAN

to make a mistake and know it and yet be so full of ego that you carry on without a care for the havoc you created...

THAN

to make a mistake and not even realize it...

THAN

to not ever make a mistake at all...

...Because....

you are only human...and that is the way you grow and learn...

that....always...you have miles and miles to go...

Where has the humour gone....

I used to like writing humorous stuff.  I liked to put a funny twist on things I wrote.  I look through all the recent posts, and almost none of them fits into that category....why, I wonder?  Have I made some kind of sub-conscious choice?  Seriousness seems to be the over-riding theme.  Why, though...  Then again, is it a reflection on the way I have grown and the way I function in the demanding framework that is my life these days....what would it take - to be light-hearted and funny, to laugh at myself...

Should life be taken that seriously, anyways?  Hmmm.....

Long but good days....

Packing in solidly productive days these days.  And the best part is its completely balanced.   Definitely feels good, and rewarding.  My to-do lists are getting checked off.  I wake up in the morning with a sense of intent, sense of purpose.  And at the end of a really long day, I reflect that much has gotten accomplished.  Much to my satisfaction.  Do not under-estimate the effort though.  It takes a lot of careful planning, and especially careful planning to make sure that the balance remains - between work, and home and N and friends and family and yes - me.  Yes, planning and teamwork.  And yoga.  And the sound of sweet, innocent, pure and unadultrated laughter for inspiration.  Only way to make it work....
Goals for 2011?  Yes, I do have some of them mapped out.  Trying to phase them out.  Seems to be working so far.  Let's see what happens by and by.

There really is no better feeling than being productive, in good ways.  Makes the exhaustion completely worth it.

People and Change

The one thing I have realized is an absolute truth is that you cannot change people.  Adults, that is.  You somehow think that if you stress enough, or that because the way you feel is justified, somehow you are entitled to them having to change for you.  Forget about even you sometimes.  You just think and hope that somehow, someday those people will change.  For your peace of mind.  Or for the greater good.

Fact is though, that that is never going to happen.  I'm convinced that "never say never" is not even an option here.  Not by a long shot.  People will continue to be what they are and who they are.  They will continue being how they are to you, and with you.  Trying to change that, or thinking that somehow you can, is a complete waste of time and energy - both of which are rather precious resources better spent on yourself instead.  People in general are too egoistic or self-centred (apologize for the cynical stand here) to change for anyone. 

Not liking that or them because of that, is totally and completely only your problem.

Time is flying...

Can you believe its the last day of January?  A whole month in 2011 has already passed.  Where has the time gone? Comes Monday...and before you know it Friday is here, and the weekend is even more jam-packed, and then its Monday all over again.

I look outside the window and see all the snow from last week's storm.  Another month and we should start stepping out of this winter.  Can't wait.

N is delighting us with his chatter these days.  I spilt a couple of drops of his cereal this morning during breakfast and he looks at me and says "Chair-pool Mamma, chair-pool" ("Careful, Mamma, careful" - these days I am constantly telling him to be careful when he's monkeying around)!

:-D

How will you be great today?

How will you be inspired today?

How will you be productive today?

What will you do to know the time was well spent...?

The will to be deliberate, to put the good health you have to good use.  The fortune of a discerning thought process, the ability to make something worthwhile of your time and energy....you are way ahead of a sweeping percentage of the population because of just who you are.....use it...for a purpose, whatever that may be.

Think about it when you wake up in the morning....how will you be great today?

Negativity, arghh

Nothing puts me off as much as negativity and pessimism from interactions with people.  Such people drain me of energy so quickly that I wish with all my heart that I had not even interacted with them in the first place.  The length of the interaction is immaterial.  A couple of minutes is all it takes sometimes for me to get super pissed off.  I have to will myself to let the negativity in through one ear and right out through the other.  Why do people do this to others? Granted different people have different things going on in their lives, and granted that different people have different ways of dealing with their issues.  But how can they assume that being negative with others, about others, and to others will help them in any possible way???? Nothing comes out of being negative people!! 

And just to clarify - there is a difference between having a bad day or a bad week, and letting off steam or looking for solutions and help AND complaining and whining all the time.  OK, so life is not fair (if the problem is really "life" and not all the choices you made in the first place).  But really, is being negative all the time going to get you anything?

Of course, at the other extreme are people who are striving every second to be optimistic.  Its pathetic to see the forced cheer, false positivism, and fake enthusiasm spewing forth.  Ask them how they have been, and the answer is a loud, over-amplified "FANTASTIC".  Which is also fine once in a while, but not every single time, every single day.  These people are always "on top of things", "having a great day", or "kicking butt" at whatever they are doing.  Come on, seriously??  Just because they are constantly announcing how great they are, does not at ALL mean that they are.

I for one, do not like spending too much time with either category.  All of us have to be more balanced.  Be more positive in your thoughts and actions.  But throw in a generous doses of reality into life's issues.  And for heaven's sake, do not be negative all the time - with yourself or with others.  Because pretty soon, they will not want you to bring them down every time you talk to them.  And they will just find reasons to stay out of your way.

Happy Republic Day

Happy Republic Day to all.  Memories: celebrating in school. We always had a holiday, but I was a girl guide, and in the NCC after that and so we always attended early in the morning, all smart and alert in our ironed uniforms.  we did the drill, and some chief guest would hoist the flag, we would sing the anthem, and someone distributed sweets and we ate them and went back home to joyously spend the rest of the holiday.

after those school years, the colony always had a flag hoisting ceremony in one of the empty plots. i would be surprised, but most of the colony jantha would actually show up for this and the Independence Day ceremony.  Some local politician would show up, give a speech.  Some appointed resident would sing some songs (I think one year it was me and someone else, if I recall, and we sang some desh-bhakthi song, it turned out pretty well). Then the national anthem of course, after flag hoisting.  Sweets distributed and we went back home.  Last year, we were back home.  Parents were attending the flag hoisting, and they ended up taking N with them.  Moi decided to catch up on some much needed sleep.  So off N went with his grandparents for the ceremony.  Apparently he was a very good boy there.  I'll bet he had a total blast (as he did with everything on that trip).

And then, the residents association plans a get-together in the evening with programs from the colony kids...the usual songs, dances, skits, etc...some adults also take part. Followed by dinner.  Good way for the neighbours to meet up and socialize.  Good opportunity for the kids to show case their talents.  One year, G and I did a few pop numbers.  I belted away the songs and G accompanied on the guitar.  Good stuff.

Anyway, I miss all this these days. 

To my Love

You are tall, fair and handsome.  Your eyes are the biggest ones I've ever seen.  Your smile lights up the universe.  You are smart and funny and intelligent and goofy.  Your appetite for fun is limitless.  You are sensitive and sometimes shy.  You are innocent.  You love people and attach yourself to their hearts.  Your mind is exploring the world, and it fascinates me to see it work.  You are figuring things out fast.  You are learning two languages at once.  You are polite with strangers.  You are patient with your friends.  When you give me a hug or a kiss, I feel such incredible joy that I cannot believe it.  You are tall, fair and handsome.  When I put my face against yours, and feel your soft skin against mine, I feel peace.  Sometimes, you drive me up the wall, but you make me forget that in a second.  Your eyes are so huge and magnetic, I wonder how I will keep the girls away from you in a few years! 

You are tall, fair and handsome.  And you are mine......

....at least, until you walk out that door one day, to your own world, to your own life, to your own new beginnings.  You will break my heart when you do that, but you will leave a part of you with me always.

And that will be with me forever.

Blogs galore

I like blogs. I like reading blogs. I obviously like writing in my own blog, though it doesn't end up being as frequent as I'd like.   I still like reading other people's blogs.  Some of them I read regularly.  Others I come across through blogs I read or random surfing when time allows me. It amazes me how many different kinds there are. And the way in which different people write.  Never in the history of humankind has such a variety of expressions been unleashed!  A few minutes and an inclination is all it takes for thoughts to become online print, for creative juices to flow, for opinions to be stated and over-stated, for diatribes to be put forth, for random ramblings to be penned down, for vitreol to be vented....

Some blogs are a pure pleasure to read. Some humorous, some poignant, some touching, some genuine.  Some informative, some inventive, some entertaining.  And equally - some annoying, some unbelievably opinionated, some verbose, some boring.  In the end, its totally the writer's prerogative, so read only if you want.  That's the best part. 

I know of people who have formed blogging communities.  They met through their blogs, and outside that, their lives would not have intersected in any other way.  They go on to become a tight-knit circle of friends offline too!  The power of the internet sometimes is crazy and amazing.

If Ifs and Buts...

It amazes me sometimes when I do get around to thinking about it - how restless the mind is.  My mind, at least. P wonders why I have to complicate things always.  He's wrong now.  I do not complicate - I guess. I just think, maybe over-think things. Well, he is right in many ways, as he usually is about many things, contrary to what my - ahem, histrionics may lead one to conclude I feel.  But that's a completely separate point.

The point originally was about my restless mind and the way in which I play out and re-play out scenarios, consequences, alternatives, and the what-ifs.  Its just my wiring. I cannot imagine being any other way, and, while, again as P rightly points out, this is the leading cause of a lot of perhaps unnecessary heartburn, I do believe that its what makes me me - the person who over-thinks and over-feels, yes, but the person who always looks out, thinks ahead, plans and makes sure that the engine runs smoothly. The person who makes sure intent meets execution, the one who can be counted upon at the end of the day. Well, anyway..

Sometimes, though, it does seem like it would be simpler to simply abandon the ifs and the buts and just go with the flow, even if for a fleeting while. So that the mind might rest, take a breather and let that really elusive thing called acceptance in for an even briefer fleeting moment....sigh...

Cobbler

Fresh Fuji apples+  Cinnamon+ Flour+ Vanilla extract+ Butter+ Brown sugar+ Baking powder+ 375 degrees for 40 minutes = amazing apple cobbler. 

Best to be consumed with vanilla ice-cream.  Optional of course for the calorie conscious.

By very popular demand, made another batch the next day.  This time I threw in Bartlett pears and cherries as well.

Deliciouso.

Of old friends...and old, old songs

Hearing from that friend from ages ago...what a refreshing way to start the new year.  Looking forward to the conversations.  Sometimes, making a little bit of time is so worth it.

On another note (no pun intended), I was driving back home yesterday with N, and out of the blue, I started to sing that old old Bengali song...."Dhithom Dhithom"....at first, the words completely eluded me....its been what? 15 years?  My God!!! And what a history that song has....prize-winning and heart-warming, and a hundred other things.....those days, all of us, forgotten friendships, competitive spirits and putting your heart and your soul into something that you believed in, and wanted to be the best at!!  And we were...oh, how we were...

Anyway, as I was saying....I started to sing....and faltered.  The words seem hazy, but I totally remember the tune of the lovely song....and as I struggled with the first few words, suddenly they came back to me....and suddenly, there I was...belting the beautiful words out loud!!  The melody became clearer and louder and there I was, singing away to my heart's content.....and I looked back to see N staring with mouth open...what was Mamma doing....haven't heard this one before?  And as I finished, N starts to clap, and looks all happy and amused!  Perfect end to a perfect memory.

I am amazed that I remembered all the words.  Exactly as I had learnt them all those many years ago.  Sweet memories of that sweet girl....Thank you Baisali....

Reaching out

Reaching out....

To people who I have not reached out to in a long while.  To say Hi and see how they have been doing.  To see where life has taken them.  To hear their voice or see them in person.  See that they have moved along just as I have...a new wife, a new husband, a new baby...a new place, and new beginnings...

Staying in touch....

With people that I want to stay in touch with.  But have not been able to, for various reasons.  People I liked, people I loved.  People who made me smile, laugh and love.  People who meant a lot, still do.  People who make me realize that life really is way too short...

Search

You search for the thing that you think will make you happy
You search for it high and low
You stress and you fuss and you hem and you haw
And yet you know it eludes you...

You search for the thing that you think you have wanted
For so long that time seems inconsequential now
You look for it here and you look for it there
And still the thing eludes you

You give it time and you give it your soul
And yet there seems to be no answer
that will ease the pain and calm the mind
And your search - it continues...

You search for the thing that you think you deserve
And suddenly after all the time has gone by
You finally open your eyes and you open your mind
With a little help from outside

You open your eyes and you finally see
That which is plain and clear
The thing that you have been searching for for so long
Is right there right in front of you.

Mantra for 2011

More patience, More positivity, More perseverance, More passion.

And more letting go....

Amen.

Happy New Year

Take a moment to reflect...

Did you stand up for what you held true to your heart?

Did you stand up against non-sense, unfairness, or that which did not resonate with the values you were brought up with?

Did you take the time to listen to people who needed a sounding board?

Did you give good advice?  Did you ask for it?  Did you take it?

Did you put in your best, so that you could sleep at night knowing you did all you could?

Did you take stock of your body, of your health, and take steps in the right direction?

Did you read for the sake of reading?

Did you make somebody else's life a wee bit better?

Did you look at your child, and see yourself in his eyes?  Did you promise again to do anything at all for him?

Did you tell your parents you loved them?

Did you show your husband/wife how much you loved them?

Did you learn to cook something new?

Did you welcome a friend into your home?

Did you realize how important your family is to you?

Did you find something at work that made you want to go there every morning?

Did you take a long walk on the beach?

Did you stop and smell the flowers?

Did you breathe deeply, and let the breath be the pulse of your mind and your heart?

Did you smile and laugh sometimes for no reason?

Did you see the sunrise or the sunset and think how insignificant you are in the grander splendour of this universe?

Did you count your blessings?

Did you say "Thanks"?

Did you love?

Did you occasionally at least think of your life as a gift...?

If you did some or most or all of these this year, it must have been a fantastic year for you in total. 

If not, then today is the day you have a chance to resolve to do them in this coming new year :-)

Happy New 2011!!!

Takes all kinds

I am trying to understand.  What is it?  The need to be different?  Always, different from everyone else? A rebellion against the ordinary?  Why, though?  And after all these years, no less!  The necessity to move along in circles that look condescendingly almost upon the rest of society that leads such ordinary, un-interesting, "usual" lives? 

It hurts my brain to go through all the material.  To read the stuff that is written with the design to appear uber-intellectual, uber-opinionated....so "open" about everything, all the viewpoints, the arguments, the "know-it-all-ness", the non-sense.  Uber-annoying is what it is.  Coming to recall, that's how it was, all those years ago too...

Guess it takes all kinds.  That's all I can say.  Just didnt think it would be this kind.  Ever.

And this is where we are...

Today has been unbelievably eye-opening for me.  I am still internalizing what I have learned.  It will take a while - to fully absorb it, and to reflect on it, and to come to terms with it.  Look at this life.  Look at the different places it takes us.  Each of us.  Everyone of us.  Today once again, I am being forced to put my life in the perspective of the grander scheme of things.  The grander scheme of people...from my present and my past.  But especially my past.  Look at their life.  People from my past.  I have not been in touch with them.  They have not been in touch with me.  I know my life because I look at it - everyday.  But today I got to look at their life.  And I am still grasping at what I have learnt.

How much time we spend dwelling on ourselves and who we are.  And all the time, things are happening to and with people all around us.  People from our present, and people from our past.  Especially people from our past.  And this is where they are, today.  And this is who they are, today.  And I am amazed and in disbelief.

For one thing, I will feel very differently about many things from this moment onwards.  For sure.

que sera sera

I know that Today is what matters, since the past is over and the future is not ours yet...

But again, is it so wrong to dream about the future, plan for it, and work towards it...so that if and when it does come to us, we can hope for that contentment we strive so hard for?  Isn't that what we all want....a more content future than today....isn't it?

My Pillar...

Today, as on a million occasions before, you inspired me, and comforted my anxious mind.  Your wisdom, your patience, your strength and your faith in me always serve to keep me grounded.  How I wish I could be with you right now.  How I wish we could go on a long walk together, and talk about everything, share stories, and jokes.  How I wish I could see you today - the quiet strength in your eyes, the eternal optimism of your soul....but for now, I have to be content to listen to your voice.  To listen to your advice.  To confide in you, and let your experience and words of wisdom wash over my doubts and questioning mind.  You are my pillar of support, always always have been.  You are my role model.  Waiting to see you...soon.  Love you lots, Pappa...

Dancing with my baby

I believe it now.  That those moments of sheer joy are the ones that utlimately define life.  Sometime ago someone tried to convince me that there is ultimately no one thing that is magical about life.  No one monumental thing will change it, or transform it, or be the cause of happiness or joy.  We can wait and wait for that "big" moment to change things, to make things "better" or to open our eyes and minds.  We will likely wait for ever.  Or a really really long time at least.  In the mean time, the years will roll by, and things will pass.  Life actually, is simply the sum total of a million little things that happen or you make happen along the way.  The sum total of little things.  Little things.  Like dancing with my baby.  He runs to the music system and switches it on.  He knows which button will turn on the channel he loves.  The channel that plays the liveliest, most upbeat music.  The songs that make you want to move to the beat.  And then he starts to dance.  Jumps up and down and does his version of snapping his fingers.  Swirls around and squeals in delight.  And then he looks at me with sheer and complete joy in his eyes.  The biggest of grins spread across his face.  And I have no choice but to join him.  To dance with him.  And I feel the incredible joy that makes my heart soar.  And I never want the moment to end...

Of trips, and old friends and Mickey and Minnie...

It's been a really busy couple of months...not the usual-usual, but other things thrown in as well....nice things :-)....catching up with friends in town...Halloween...N dressed as a chimp...not that he needs a costume!....Diwali night....lighting diyas....little baby boys in kurtas...delightful!....Thanksgiving....trip to the Big Apple....catching up with friends after so long....so nice....NY is a truly awesome city...back to our suburban abode...winter sets in...wrapping up a ton of things at work...planning a trip away from the cold...the Sunshine State beckons...again.....unexpected trip in between to meet an old old friend....more catching up....back home...its snowing now!....and finally off to the south...beaches, and gators, sunshine and spa.....Lion Country Safari...the rhino and the giraffes took the cake!....visit to dear uncle and aunt's place, where N was spoilt thoroughly again...then off to see giraffes, and turtles from glass-bottom boats...and of course, Mickey and Minnie and Donald for good measure....roller-coasters and trains and gizmos and things.....certain people didnt want the fun to end.....
Back home now, and a few more days before the new year rolls in.....hmmm...

Letting go

How do you let go...of that memory, of the joy that grips the heart when you recall that memory, of the regret...how do you let go of the notion of what it could have meant.  Of what it would be like.  And how do you leave it behind and make your way forward?  Do you let go of all of it? Cold turkey?  Or do you hang on by the last threads of the memories that make it bearable.  Because the first lets you make a clean break and start afresh without looking backwards, and the second lets you be yourself again - for a brief, exhilarating moment longer...

Wint(e)rials

Pretty though this winter is - NOT fun when flights get delayed, plans go awry and you're far from home.  I finally land in the airport and find my way on the bus to the parking lot where my car is parked.  To find that it is covered with the white stuff.  Luckily it is still soft (and quite beautiful).  So I have to find my cleaner and remove it from all the windows, etc.  To do this, I have to remove my glove to hold the damn thing.  A few minutes is all it takes, but by now my fingers have frozen completely, and pain takes over.  I jump into the car, feet are wet and cold.  Car is freezing.  With great difficulty I manage to pay the parking attendant.  Unbelievably, my window doesn't roll up.  Looks like some issue because of the cold.  I am desperate.  There is no way I can drive back 30 miles in the snow with an open window.  I pull and shove and bang and knock, and finally the thing manages to roll up and close.  Thank the Lord!  I finally get out of there and on the road back home.  My fingers are seriously hurting now and I worry about frost bite.  And lo and behold, I am greeted by horrendous traffic - commuters delayed by the weather.  After a couple of hours I finally made it home, thankful for its warmth and to see my family.  What a day!
Its OK though.  It teaches you to be patient. :-)

Winter is upon us

I woke up this morning to see a thin layer of white on the grass and the driveway and the roof tops.  The first snow of the season.  Well, the first time really was last Friday, but those were flurries.  Really, really pretty.

The degree to which you feel cold and miserable is dependent on a number of factors, and has mostly nothing to do with the actual temperature.  There's humidity.  And there's wind.  Oh, the wind.  And it amazes me how my frame of reference has changed completely.  I am a seasoned east-coaster now.  Totally know how to deal with the winter now, after all these years.  I know how to dress, and what to do. 

Dont get me wrong - it can get pretty miserable at times.  Especially if those winds are blowing.  However, that is not at all all the time.  In a really different way, this winter is actually quite beautiful.  The first snows are amazing.  The chill in the air can be cleansing. 

Many times, in the next few months, all I will want to do is huddle indoors, under a razai probably and drink some hot chai.  But there will also be many times, when I will go outside, and take deep breaths of the cold air, feel that crazy invigoration, maybe step through some soft white snow, pull that thick jacket closer around me, and trod on....

Ah, Love :-)

The distance, it has always been the biggest pain to deal with.  In time, I accepted it, and moved on with my life.  In time, and time does have this way of helping you deal with things, I made it work out somehow.  This time, though, I was just about unable to come to terms with it.  I should have been there.  I should have.  I could not.  I know he understands.  I know that.  Later, when I saw them together, my heart melted, and my eyes teared up.  Love has a way of easing the pain.  From all sides.  And love, there is plenty of that, now!!

On the flip side, the countdown has begun.  I cannot wait. :-)))))

A little perspective

And then there is perspective.  You think you are having a tough day, a really tough week, and something happens to that one person that puts a completely new spin on the words "Bad Luck".  Added to that, its outright galling how people behave towards other human beings.  Its unbelievable how somethings happen where you least expect them to happen, and its even more unbelievable how they turn out to happen.  And there is a squeeze around the heart, and a churning of the stomach when you hear the details.  And suddenly all your stress has completely paled in comparison.  A little perspective is always a good thing, at the unfortunate cost of someone else.

Really wish this world was a better place.

Hmmm

Sometimes, the thing that you dread the most ends up coming your way.  You do your best to avoid it, to mitigate it, to deny it, and to run away from it.  You kick up a fuss, you stress to no end, and you try every trick in the book to keep it from tarnishing the balance in your life that you work so hard to keep.  In the end, it creeps up on you and shows you who is boss. 
:(((

And also, when its right there in your face, and you have no choice but to accept it, you find a way to deal with it.  And you realize that you were made of stronger stuff than you thought.  You grit your teeth and get through it, and suddenly, just like that, you are on the other side.

Ah, the resilience of the human spirit.

Lessons to learn...

Today more than ever, I wonder why I cannot be more like him.  My propensity to take on the I-need-to-carry-the-world-on-my-shoulders attitude is downright depressing.  I look at him, and I see not just innocence- pure, unadulterated and refreshing always, but also the unwillingness to be bogged down, to dwell on the immediate, to always always be positive, enthusiastic and eager.  I see him go down, and he gets up, dusts himself off and picks up where he left off.  He learns not to make the same mistake again.  He doesn't let the piddly nagging pain or fear bring down his resolve to keep going...I cant describe how much it fascinates me!  Is it in his wiring, I ask - to be like that, to be so strong, to be so pure, and full of joy and positive energy?
Today more than ever, I see I have so much to learn from him....

Colours of the season

Reds, yellows, oranges and in-betweens...I LOVE Fall around here.  One of the best places to be on the planet this time of the year - the east coast of this great land.  The colours always take my breath away.  Love,love, love it.  Truly inspires me.  Nature, seriously....

I am Back

Can't believe its been so long since I wrote here.  Life and all its various vagaries had simply taken over.  I have missed being here, missed penning down my thoughts - random though they were.

Anyway, let's see if this spurt will last this time around.

And lets see, indeed, if I do have anything to say that is worth writing about. :)

"Unaccustomed Earth"

New book by one of my fav authors - Jhumpa Lahiri. The book just came out and I had to have a copy. Its a collection of short stories, and after her Pulitzer prize short story winner, I had high expectations.

Have to say - I was only sort of impressed. The first story, the title story was very good, and I thought I was in for a real treat. The remaining stories were just about okay, with one good one in between.

I am still a fan of her writing style. Rich with simple details, yet so real as for one to identify oneself with various aspects of the story, the so human characters. Some of the details she adds through out her stories are so touching. It does pull at the heart strings at times. Not depressing, just touching. I like that.

However, I did like the first book "The Interpreter of Maladies" much better. I remember those stories were shorter than the ones in "Unaccustomed Earth", but more varied, if I recall right. In the new book, all the main characters are the standard issue second generation Bengali immigrants to the West, and after a point, the usual cultural struggle blah blah gets rather monotonous as a recurring theme.

In any case, I will still read whetever Lahiri's next book will be. I'm just a fan.

Michael Clayton

One of those movies that I should have watched much sooner, but, like many things, got postponed until now. Michael Clayton is definitely in the Big League. Reviews were great, and the movie bagged seven Academy Award nominations, including Best Picture.

I am not going to describe the plot, or anything else that might take away from the movie watching experience for you if you havent already seen it and are planning to. Suffice to say that the script is brilliant, entertaining and respects your intelligence as the audience. Some of the sequence of events are predictable, yet, one is not bored even for a moment. Reminds me of the Bourne series of movies, especially the last one 'Bourne Ultimatum' and what a good watch that was. And no, Michael Clayton is not anything like Jason Bourne, just so you know. He's a regular guy, a corporate lawyer specializing in a certain type of skill.

Having said that, Michael Clayton is played by George Clooney, who delivers, yet again. Reminds me yet again why I like him so much. Combine Clooney's mmmm dreamy looks (despite the age), magnetic screen prescence and brilliant acting with great performances by the other actors too, and you have a movie experience that is worth every second of its 90 minutes, and leaves you saying "Wow" at the end of it.

Loved it. Highly recommend it.

Cherry Blossoms in DC

Caught up with good friend and DC veteran DB who was down from CT for a work conference over the weekend. Drove into DC since it was the peak and inauguration of the famous Cherry Blossom Festival. It was a little cold as we parked at Hain's Point and took the shuttle to the Tidal Basin. It was so beautiful. White and pink cherry trees covered the expanse of the place, and as we got near the Jefferson Memorial by the side of the Tidal Basin, we could see the pink and white trees all around the basin. A complete treat. Throngs of people hanging out enjoying the famous blossoms.

Later, we had a fabulous dinner at our old favourite joint Lebanese Taverna, catching up on a gazillion different life topics. A great way to end a perfect evening.

Here are some pictures...from the official cherry blossom website for 2008...

It's a Beautiful Day

I go for a walk today. After weeks, its about sixty five degrees and just crying for a step out. So I put on my shoes and step outside and take a breath of fresh spring air - still a bit nippy, but completely refreshing.

As I walk through the quintessential American suburban neighbourhood, I see that Winter has transmorgrified (in Calvin's words) into Spring, and most of the trees are in bloom. The grass on the lawns is green once more. There are nests in the trees, and birds flying about. The weather is perfect. Not too sunny, and not at all cold. I walk on, energized.

I pause my Ipod for a moment, and listen to the Spring. I hear zillions of birds sounds. Calling to their mates, probably. Such sweet sounds they are. And so many different sounds. I walk past a little pond, and there are ducks swimming around in pairs. Along the banks, tonnes more flowers are growing.

I play my song once more. Eric Clapton is singing one of my all-time favourite "Let it Grow"

Im standin at the crossroads
Tryin to read the signs
To tell me which way I should
Go to find the answer
And all the time I know
Plant your love and let it grow.

Let it grow, let it grow,
Let it blossom, let it flow.
In the sun and in the snow
Love is lovely, let it grow.

Time is gettin shorter
And theres much for you to do,
Only askn you will get what you are needin,
The rest is up to you.
Plant your love and let it grow.

I look at the cherry trees in all their pink and white splendour. I look at the green grass and see miniscule violet, yellow and magenta flowers sprouting in between the long blades of grass. Everywhere, life is springing forth. I marvel at the little life that we have created ourselves. A miracle, no less. I am amazed and awed at the same time. I smile to myself.

It's a beautiful day.

Is it all about Timing?

They say it is all about timing. Stock markets, real estate markets, promotions, personal life decisions. They say that everything is about timing when to do what, when to make the most of what happens. They say you can make it or break it depending on the timing of events and decisions in your life. Is it? Can you?

I wonder...I haven't thought about this much until now. I am the sort of person who plans for everything in life. I live by a mental check-list of things I need to do and by when I need to get them done. Unplanned events are OK, as long as I have a plan on how to deal with them :) Almost all of the important events in my life have been planned...or so I like to think.

I look at people who live their lives by the seat of their pants, and sometimes, very occasionally, I envy them, but for the life of me, I cannot be like that. So, I have to know how to deal with every situation, weigh the pros and cons, and make the best choice under the circumstances. But what about timing...do I specifically pay attention to that? And how much of a role has it played in my life....?

I think it has played a big role, given everything. I think I am where I am, doing what I am, because of the timing of events in the past. Some of these events just happened at those times, others I made happen at those times. Together, it has landed me where I am. I acknowledge that, and am happy about it. Often times, we tend to point fingers at fate dealing us a set of circumstances, but isn't it also about what we do to deal with it, and importantly, when we deal with it? True, we cannot foresee the timing of future events in our life, but then, we always have had only the present and the past to work with.

Someone told me today that Life is all about timing. This is a person struggling with complex life and work decisions. I think of all the complex personal and professional situations I have been in in my own life, and the part that timing has played in them. Maybe its time to take stock of them, make peace with them, and learn a few lessons for the future.

Back after a Hiatus

It's been a long while since I came to these parts...lots of things happenning...life changes, work changes, and yes this winter :-) I am more convinced than ever that I am a Summer person. I was born in the summer, my name literally means "Summer". Sunny personality? Maybe not all of the time, but hey, I am no morose creature either. One thing is for sure - I don't like the cold. It does nothing to alleviate my mood. Realized the importance of the Sun this winter which seems to be relentlessly going on...

So waiting for spring, the warmth of the sun, and the inevitable uplifting of the spirit that it brings.

Two Kinds of People

My good friend and esteemed colleague He-Man and I had a most interesting conversation the other day. On one of our usual coffee and a tete-a-tete sessions, He-Man announced with a rather serious face that in Q4 '07, a realization dawned on him, as clear as the light of day.

He said that he firmly believes that all of the people in the world can be divided into exactly two categories. The first group, he postulated - contains the 'Acquisition' minded people. These people, he claims, know exactly what they want out of life, and what they need to do to get what they want, and how they need to do it. And they simply acquire other people as they go along - people who will help them get what they want. And they do it ruthlessly. With the utmost confidence in their capabilities, wasting no time on people or things that will not help them achieve what they want.

The second group of people are the ones that get acquired by the first group. Mind you, He-Man cautioned, these people are not losers, they are not pathetic junkies or flunkies that get only the raw end of the deal. They can be successful (after all, success is relative, now isn't it?), they can be happy with their lives. BUT, they get acquired by the Acquition people. The Acquired usually are seen ambling along, making friends here and there, making banter, indulging in this and that, here and there. They have goals, they have ambitions, but they take their own sweet time getting to them, if at all. They are smart, and intelligent and hard working, but they also have a super heightened sense of ethics, and usually a fair burden of emotional involvement in all their dealings. The Acquisition people devour them, always to their own end. And they dont have a single qualm about it. What's more, they apply the same principle to every aspect of their life.

He-Man listed all the names of people on our team that fell into the two categories. Amazingly, he was right. It was true. The people fit the categorization like a glove to a hand.

I thought this was a most interesting way to describe the fundamental difference between people. BUT - I wondered if it was overly simplified. What if, it was possible to strike a balance between the two categories. What if the first step was to simply be sure which category you belong to, and then see if being that way is good for the different areas of your life? Was it even possible? Further, is it absolutely horrible if you are not an Acquisition person? Are you doomed for an ordinary, mediocre life with no hope of reaching the stars? I want to badly say 'No, of course, not!', but He-Man is so sure of his theory, that he will bet his bottom dollar on it. You are either born with it, or you have to do something so drastic and groom and train yourself so specifically to get it, he believes.

Interesting. I know I am going to be using this lens on everyone I know or meet for a while at least. :-)

Joy to the World

No, it wasn't a 'White Christmas' around here, but it sure was freezing. You walk through or drive through neighbourhoods and you see houses lit with lights (the electric kind of course). Some of them are really elaborate, with huge X-Mas scenes enacted outside on the front lawns....complete with glowing reindeer, Santa on the sleigh, and of course there are Christmas trees with all of their decorations everywhere. In some way, the whole scene is reminiscent of a huge festival like Diwali back home. I guess Christmas is pretty much the only festival celebrated in this way around here.

Everywhere, on TV, on the radio, in the malls...everywhere, the same 4 Christmas songs are played again and again and again. As my good friend A recently remarked exasperatedly - Everyone from Frank Sinatra to Beyoncee has their version of the same songs. Seriously, why couldnt they have come up with more songs? It gets to a point where you start to hear those same opening bars, and you start saying "Aargh" :-). This time though, I have become a little immune to it, I think.

In any case, Christmas has come and gone and here's wishing everyone for the occasion. Two more days to go before the new year begins.

Warm wishes from the bottom of my heart for the best that it can bring to all of you.

And then there was Light

I landed in Bangalore on the day of Deepavali. This was the first time I had timed my visit to co-incide with the festival since I left home a few years ago. Needless to say, there was an unbelievable amount of excitement both on my side as well as my family's. The flight landed in the wee hours of the morning, which lent well to the traditional "yenne shaastra" (or oil bath ritual), which is the customary early morning cleansing of the body on this most auspicious occasion.


Deepavali is arguably one of the most important Hindu festivals in India. For one, it is celebrated by all denominations of the Hindu religion and also throughout India (both North and South) at the same time. Interestingly - in Northern India, the return of Lord Rama from exile after defeating Ravana is the supposed cause for the jubilation, while in the South, it is Lord Krishna's vanquishing of the evil demon Narakasura that is the cause of celebration. The fact is that the whole country celebrates the festival, more or less. And in the merry-making which includes good food, sweets and fire-works (plenty of it), a lot of non-Hindus also participate.

In any case, I was totally looking forward to experiencing this festival at home. Mom had prepared the tastiest of sweets and food. Friends and relatives called to wish us. It is a time when people remember each other, I guess. And when evening time came, we did what we've always done for years. We lit little diyas (small earthen oil lamps) and placed them outside the main door of the house, and along the compound wall, etc. Other houses in the neighbourhood were doing the same, and it is such a beautiful sight, I tell you. It really is one of my personal favourite activities of the festival. The significance is even more beautiful - you want the lamps to light the way for luck, health and prosperity into your home. Light over darkness. Good over evil.

As usual, no fireworks for us. As little children, G and I decided that we are not going to "burn" money on firecrackers and also not contribute to the immense pollution that fireworks cause to the environment. That simply holds true this year as well.

What we did do, however, was climb up the stairs to the terrace, and then the additional ladder to the absolute top of the house. Even Mom made this somewhat precarious trip, and soon, the whole family was on the terrace with a pretty darned good view of the south of Bangalore. And what a sight it was! It was night now, and everyone was in true Deepavali mode. Soon enough, there were fireworks all over the place - rockets shooting upwards and then bursting into splashes of colour. Bombs exploding from all directions. Because we were at an elevation, we could see colourful fireworks in all directions. I think this is a very very indigenous experience. You have to be there to see how it looks, and feel how it feels. You cannot really explain to an outsider the scale on which this festival is celebrated.

Newer and more colourful rockets seem to have sprung up. I was told that some of them cost upwards of a couple of thousand rupees each! I cannot believe that so many people were paying so much for a couple of seconds of fun. Literally burning up money.

We spent a good deal of time there, catching the lights of the city, and talking, laughing, sharing jokes and stories. After that, it was a traditional Deepavali dinner. The fireworks continued through the rest of the night.

I know I will remember and cherish this Festival of Lights I spent with my family this year.

Who and What you are...and Will be...

"Scrape below the skin and we're flesh and bone; scrape below that and we're code."
~ "Decode your DNA", Thomas Goetz, Wired, December 2007

Apparently, now, for just a mere $1000, one can have a peek into one's genetic code (or genome), and instantly see not just where one came from in terms of genetics, but also where one is headed - also in terms of genetics. What this means to lay persons is that you can now see your genetic make-up, and your ancestors' genetic make-up, who in your ancestral lineage you are most like (so, for example, do you take up after your father's side of the family, or your mother's, etc) and what kind of gene codes you possess, in turn telling you what kind of risk you are at for countless number of physiological conditions, illnesses, and diseases.

This is a brand new industry - as a potential customer, you spit into a vial and the company (in this case, the name of the pioneering company is 23andMe) then scans your DNA, and it spits out your history and your future, which, some early testers and adapters have described as "simultaneously unsettling, illuminating and empowering". Apparently, this kind of "retail genomics" will help people adopt personalized medicine. So, knowing you are at 20% more risk for heart disease than the average individual because your maternal grandfather was at 40% more risk than the average individual and he, in all his blessed ignorance, has passed on that very particular gene marker onto you, his dear grandchild, will now mean that you really should not wait until you are 50 to go easy on the cholestrol intake. It means that you can start worrying about it NOW, and take preventive measures NOW.

How nice. Just what we needed, I think. More information overload.

But, the author of this most interesting article states - this thing should not so easily be dismissed. There is something in this, he claims. This is the first time in history, that such information is even available to the ordinary person. One can not just look backwards at one's lineage, but explore relationships with other ethnic groups around the world. Family members can share profiles, trace origins of particular traits and compare genes through DNA networking. Its just a new way for people to access information about themselves, he says.

And what is more fascinating, is that so far, only the surface has been scratched. The kind of information that 23andMe is capable of giving customers is based on sequencing only a small part of the entire human genome. In the near future, it is expected that the price of scrutinizing and sequencing a human's entire genome (some 6 billion or so pieces of information) will fall so drastically, that more personalized information will become available to whoever is eager to receive it.

I wonder though, whether this whole thing bodes well for us and our lifestyles. Sure, knowing that I am risk for some radical disease might be helpful if I dont absolutely know that any of my ancestors has ever had it. Or even a known disease for that matter. If I already know, for instance, that my paternal grandpa died of a heart-attack, and therefore I am by default at risk for it - and if my genome sequence (after I shell out $1000) confirms that I am at x% risk for heart disease - what am I going to do next? Am I going to worry that the general population is only (x-y)% at risk, unlike me? The bigger question is, am I going to alter the way I live because of this information? Am I going to ask my doctor to start treating me NOW, for conditions I might encounter in the future? How much am I going to worry about all of the new found information? Dont I have enough to worry about as it is.....

Dont get me wrong - I do find the whole concept of genetics rather fascinating. Imagine seeing all of that millions of bits of information from microscopic elements. Actually, even what companies like 23andMe are doing is mighty ground-breaking. From an interest and intellectual curiosity perspective, its an amazing break-through for science.

The only question I have is - are we necessarily going to be better-off with all that new information about ourselves?

Mr. Sun's 4:00 'o' clock appearance

I am sitting in my cube, which happens to be a corner cube on the 7th floor of the building. So I am surrounded by huge sprawling windows on 2 sides outside my cube. Even though the heating system inside the building is doing its job well and it is warm, you can see how chilly it is outside, especially since I do have a pretty good view of the outside from where I sit.

Suddenly, the sun comes out. For whatever reason, it decides to shine quite brightly, and suddenly, golden rays filter through the expanse of glass, casting a warm glow through the space. Ummm...I can feel the warmth on my face as I turn to look outside. Its been cloudy the whole day, not to mention the near-freezing temperatures, and this sunny break is such a treat.

Ok, that was nice. Now, its back to work, I guess.

Life and Death and Something in Between

An uncle who recently lost his wife to a rare and out-of-the-blue illness finds the strength to go about his daily life, be the father his young children now desperately need, and be the brilliant pediatrician his patients and the world in general needs. Thinking about how dark his private moments must be (in public and with people, he still finds his sense of humour, never betraying the sense of loss we all know he must be going through), I feel a restriction in my chest...and I question how one deals with such situations.

He himself presented the answer without being asked.

In a gathering of close family, he stood up, thanked everyone for coming and supporting him and his children, and then said something I will never ever forget. He said, "Here is my philosophy in life - I believe that pain is a given. But I also believe that suffering is our choice."

A good friend commented on one of my earlier posts on Faith - he said that maybe all that Faith is is an antidote to helplessness. Maybe so.

But maybe also, it is a lifeline that keeps you moving forward, when every single one of the chips is down.

Ad for Thought

Was browsing through the latest edition of 'Wired' and found this full page Audi Ad. Accompanying a picture of a rather fabulous looking car (Audi R8) are these 2 statements:

1/2 Truth: Behind every status symbol and luxury badge is a good product.

Full Truth: Good is the enemy of great.

My thoughts? - So creative. So damn true.

:-)

Princely Game This One...

It was back in the early 90's, when both G and I were teenagers (actually I was barely a teenager and G was 9 or 10) that a handsome young prince entered our lives. This prince was strong and brave. He was fearless, had blonde hair and rippling muscles. He was as athletic as ever and immensely intelligent to boot. He was the Prince of Persia. And he would go to absolutely any lengths to save his damsel in distress from the evil Sultan.

The only catch was that all the prince's actions were to be initiated and controlled by G and I, via 6 keys on the computer keyboard.

Think back to a time when there was no "Windows" (I know, its unthinkable!!). Really, that was a time when people did not even have PC's at home. And the only reason G and I had made such good friends with the Prince was thanks to our cousin, who taught Computers and had a spare PC at home, with the super-fantastic Prince of Persia loaded on it. So, whenever we would go visiting, G and I made an immediate beeline for the now archaic box, turned it on, and typed "Prince" at the command prompt. Yes, it was all DOS back then, think black screen...

What a game. What absolute fun it was, to get the Prince to cross barriers, fight prison guards, run through and dodge spiky prison bars, identify potions, poisons, etc etc...A set of obstacles would get him through to the subsequent higher level, where the challenges would be tougher. We had to learn along with the Prince. Each new level had absolutely new dangers that we initially had no idea how to solve. How many trials and errors there were...how many frustrations when Prince would be killed and we had to start all over...how many cheers and celebrations when Prince made it to higher and higher levels...each level taking him closer to that final level where he would have to fight the Sultan himself to save his fair maiden!!

What I remember with amazement is the precision graphics, animations and sound quality of the game. Given that it was entirely DOS based, and it was all in black and white (we didnt have the luxury of a colour monitor), it was really so incredibly well made. There was not a boring moment, as there were so many variables through each step that the Prince had to take.

Years later, we chanced upon a windows version of the classic game, and saw the usual zings and zangs of modern animation. Prince the game was all colourful and jazzed up with the latest in special effects. Somehow, the classic DOS version still pulled at our heart strings.

Just the other day, G and I were remembering the handsome Prince and all the little features of the game. We remembered how much fun we had, the evils the prince fought at each stage, the triumphs. We were both so glad that Prince in all his DOS version glory was a part of our childhood. We both wondered if we could get a chance to download that same black and white classic version once more.

Prince of Persia - a true blue classic.

Country Roads

As I drove through the country-side in South Canara (where I am from originally), I looked on appreciatively at the scenery around me - where there was no road, there were palm trees. Bunches of coconuts hang on these trees - with the sweetest of water and even sweeter soft white flesh that almost melts in the mouth waiting to be consumed. The coconut itself finds its way into innumerable South Canara dishes.

Tiny houses with sloped tiled roofs dot the expanse of palm trees. Many of these houses are on the edges of patches of paddy fields. These paddy fields are a visual treat - beautifully green (especially now, just after the monsoons) and extend across the country-side with little bunds separating different farmers' fields.

Occasionally, we drive past fields and suddenly we are on a bridge, crossing a river that is sure to be one of the myriad tributaries that eventually flow into the Kaveri, Krishna or Tungabhadra.

Sahasthana - beautiful as the above was to see all along the way, I was spell-bound when we reached a place called Sahasthana. Here, there is a large river that extends for almost half a kilometer in width. As we crossed the bridge, the early morning sun shimmered on the surface of the river, giving it an ethereal quality. There were a few islands in the middle of the river. Several boatmen (these are tiny boats with a couple of men rowing with wooden oars) dotted the river here and there, spreading their nets out from their boats. I could not get enough of the untouched beauty of the place. Once again I regretted not being good with my camera to capture the scene.

I rolled down the windows and took a deep breath of that coastal air that I so vividly associate with all my trips to Mangalore. Sahasthana is a fantastic testament to the untouched beauty of rural India. I sincerely hope it will stay that way for a long, long time.

Faith

What is faith? I ask this question to myself from time to time, and usually either ponder for a while and give up, or find some explanation to satisfy myself temporarily. But I keep coming back to it...and often I do so when I see people in adversity find the strength and the philosophy to get through their trials. When my own mind grapples with difficult issues and questions, or I am just disturbed for whatever reason, I wonder what it takes to believe, actually believe that it shall be okay.


Can faith heal anything? Can it aleviate pain? How do you go about acquiring faith? More importantly, faith in what? God? Karma? Some higher power? The irrevocable plan of destiny? Inner strength?

Some of us believe that a combination of random events and the choices and decisions we make along the way shape our life as we know it, but I have also come to believe that it is important to have faith, in whatever form or shape.

Human beings have been known to do amazing things because of their faith. How do people get their faith? Some people pray incessantly to their God. Some people make temple visits, bodily and physical offerings to their God. Some people meditate, train their mind to help the process. Some people believe that social service and serving their fellow human beings in need is the answer.

Even though I still struggle with the question of what form faith should take for me personally, it is because of the very faith I have that I will find it eventually, that makes it worthwhile to even try.

The Breeze from the Sea

This is a short story that I wrote a few years ago. It is a sad story, and I do not believe that anything in particular inspired me to write it. I just had an idea one day, and in a fit of inspiration, I penned it down...

The Breeze from the Sea

The breeze blew in from the sea. The sun was almost below the horizon. The sand beneath us was still warm. Ram sat there quietly next to me. I didn’t quite know what he was thinking…I was afraid to ask…I looked over at the horizon. A few boats were still at sea, no doubt attempting to catch a last batch of fish before returning home…I looked over to the far side of the beach at the few children who were playing in the twilight…the familiar grief engulfed my heart once again…I looked at Ram…if only I knew what he was thinking…

Children playing…a bat, and a ball and makeshift wickets from tree branches…Suraj played the game with all the ferocity of every Indian boy obsessed with the ideology, the religion that is cricket…Suraj, who went on to captain his school and college cricket teams, and who almost made it through the state team selections…I remember how disappointed he was when he didn’t qualify…Suraj, who then channeled his energy into academics instead, and who graduated with honors and won a scholarship to a prestigious university in the UK…Suraj, who wrote a letter titled “Dearest Amma…” every week without fail…Suraj, who never could really understand the rift that grew between Ram and me as the years passed….I was busy with my teaching career, and Ram moved from job to job…often disgruntled with life, dissatisfied and cynical…my growing discontent with him…the love, and understanding we once shared seemed to be fading away…I thought of him as an inadequate husband, and an inadequate father…

I immersed myself in my work…that and my son were the only important things in my life.

Soon, I didn’t even have anything to say to Ram anymore…and I moved to my sister’s place. He didn’t stop me. I missed Suraj terribly, but he had just been hired by a big multinational firm, and could not take the time off to come to India. I pined for him. Life was lonely, but at least I had my work. I still got a letter every single week…until…that fateful, horrible day when Ram came to fetch me from my school…I just knew that something terrible had happened…they explained to me that it was a freak motor accident, involving an oil tanker. I didn’t want the details. I asked God a million times to take me away too. I could not eat, could not sleep, could not work. I met no one, spoke to no one…

I was more than surprised to see Ram at my sister’s gate that evening, and inwardly shocked but detached when he asked whether we could walk to the beach…I had not spoken to him since the accident…I did not know what to say to him…

We walked in total silence for a long time. Finally, we sat down on the warm sand to watch the sun go down. Suraj loved the beach as a child. He would build sand castles, and play in the waves, and run around looking for crabs and shells…

A cool breeze blew in from the sea. The setting sun lent its brilliant colors to the evening sky. Ram was quiet beside me. I looked at him. I suddenly thought to myself…here is the man I once loved and cherished, the man who helped bring Suraj into this world…here is the man I put below every other priority in life for so long…suddenly the reasons for all of that were not important any more…suddenly, the grief that held me captive eased just a little bit…suddenly I knew that Ram and I at least had each other…

Wordlessly I reached for his hand. He grasped it so tightly, it almost hurt. In the distance, a dog and a child played together. The waves lapped gently against the sand. The sun was down for the day. The fishing boats were back now. Together we stood up, dusting the sand from our clothes. I turned to say something to him…to explain, to apologize, to share my grief, to ask him to share his…but I could not say anything…not just yet…

In the cool of the evening breeze, Ram looked at me, still holding my hand, and said simply, “Come, let us go home…”

It's All Fall(ing) Down

Sometime around Tuesday or Wednesday of last week, a switch went off. As I drove my car out of the garage on my way to work, I almost braked to a screeching halt. Suddenly, there was a splash of Fall colours all OVER the place. Autumn had announced its arrival. Trees that were green previously were now covered in colourful foliage. There were Reds, Oranges and Yellows...and a zillion colours in-between. The resulting effect is a treat to the eyes. You dont know where to look because each tree with its brilliant colour lends itself to the tree next to it which is a totally different colour. Such a visual treat. There is more to come, I believe. Now, there are still greens here and there. In a week or two, it will all be replaced by brilliant reds, oranges and yellows.

It is unbelievable that in a month or so, all of these leaves will have fallen down to make way for the wintery snow. And then a couple of months after that will come spring, and there will be flowers on all the trees. And a couple of months from there, everything will be green once more. The cycle of nature. The circle of life. We are truly blessed to be a part of it.

Horsing Around

Venue: Verizon Center in the heart of Washington DC
Event: Washington International Horse Show

Watching the equestrian event from Capital One's executive suite sure felt like a novelty. Free food and drinks, comfortable leather seats and a bird's eye view of the happennings in the arena below felt nice. Soon enough, out came the lovely horses, so fabulously groomed, ridden by their jockey riders.

First the kids rode their horses somewhat tentaively over the hurdles. Some horses made the vaults beautifully, and some were a little nervous. Finally the winner in this category was announced.

The next event was a surprise and a complete delight. Terrier Racing! Suddenly there were 20 or so terrier dogs being led into the arena on leashes and the dogs were just going nuts! Not sure if it was the crowds that were cheering that made them so hyper or whether they were fed something just before they were brought out, but they were barking their heads off and raring to be let off their leashes and run all over the place. Hyper!

Soon enough, obstacles were set up and an artificial tail (that represented a fox tail) and attached to a string was dangled temptingly in front of the dogs, and used as the incentive for the race. And what a race it was! Those dogs are FAST, and hyper and hell-bent on catching the fox (little do they know its only a tail)!! All in all, the races were funny to watch, and the dogs were cute.

The dogs may have been cute, but it was the horses that stole the show. With their breath taking beauty. Such fabulous animals, I tell you. So graceful and strong and a pleasure to watch. I would have loved to have come in close contact, touch them, maybe attempt a ride myself? :) But I had to be content with just watching another one of the equestrian rounds, with the horses and their adult riders this time vaulting over fairly high obstacles in the graceful manner that is also somewhat hypnotic to watch.

Like I said, tickets in the executive suite courtesy Capital One felt nice. Now if only I can get hold of some to a basketball game. Now wouldnt that be fun?!

An evening of watching horses was followed by dinner at Tabaq's, a cozy roof-top mediterranean bistro. A cool breeze, candle-light and a pretty good view of the city (we could see the lit Washington Monument, Capitol Building, etc) made for an excellent evening.

Watching What You Eat

It may be because of the inescapable fact that age plays an increasingly significant role in the health equation as years go by. It may be because of the increased awareness I have lately of both my mind and my body. It may be because I have finally realized that in that same health equation I allude to, diet and exercise are so inextricably intertwined, that it doesnt matter how much you work out until you also get your diet in order and it doesnt matter how much you diet until you also engage in a consistent, holistic exercise program.

The bottom line is that I can finally vouch for the fact that I can almost completely control my well-ness by eating right.

The reason I am getting particularly vocal about this is that, strangely enough, of late, I have been able to observe almost immediate reactions of my body to what I consume. Without getting into the details of exactly what I observe (lest the reader is turned off partially or completely!), I see reactions to what I eat, mostly within a couple of days at least. And if the results are negative, I kick myself for giving in to temptation (these are usually in the chocolate/desert category - I find them irresisitible), or too much sodium/preservatives/grease/oil/extra spicy food which comes mostly from eating out.

On the flip and more positive side - eating well also lets me see tangible benefits, although these are not always that pronounced, takes longer to observe and worst of all - takes more attempts to observe the benefits. To explain - it takes only one or two rich dessert indulgences to see an extra pound or two, some blotchy skin, and unwanted digestive effects almost within a couple of days of consumption, whereas - it takes much, much longer bouts of eating a balanced diet with fruits/veggies/fiber/protein/carb (and this also ensures the required and healthy supply of vitamins and minerals our body needs) to start seeing the good effects. BUT, when I DO start seeing them, its an incredibly amazing feeling. I feel great, energetic, and healthy. My skin glows and the tiredness around my eyes disappears, and my mind, seeing and feeling these positive effects, also feels well. Of course, all of this, coupled with my consistent Yoga and gym sessions leads to an overall sense of extreme well being. Doesnt get better. All of this is unbelievably beneficial when work related stress is also playing its part in the equation.

I read somewhere a long time ago that the habits we cultivate in our early to mid twenties are the ones that end up lasting through the rest of our lives. Given I am no longer in my early or mid twenties, I am at least thankful I am almost obsessing about this issue now. I am determined to do my part in ensuring a healthy life for me and my family. I have no doubt about it - I am what I eat.

As they say at Kaiser Permanente - Live well, be well, thrive. Should apply to each one of us, methinks.

New York New York

Went up to the Big Apple recently, and as usual, the city proved to be an exciting weekend getaway. The energy of the place is so unique and motivates you to get up, get out and make the most of it. At the end of the day, I know I want to return to my suburban life, plenty of walking/jogging/breathing space, place to park my car, quiet and solitude, but ever so often...NYC is a fantastic place to go to and have some fun. Of course, what makes it more worthwhile is catching up with our good friends, A & R...always feels great to meet up with old friends and chill out.

This time, all four of us caught a couple of interesting events. One was an evening of Sitar by Ustaad Raais Khan. Well, actually it was A and I who spearheaded the idea (what with being Hindustani vocalists and all that), and R and P, being the good sports that they are, tagged along. What we thought would be an evening of a reknowned Ustaad performing ended up being an evening of the Ustaad performing to some extent and then making his son perform the rest of the time. Now this son was a real joker who clearly was not in the same league as his dad, and started displaying major attention seeking gimmicks (he obviously thought that he was loaded with talent) and pretty soon we started getting pissed that the Ustaad was not playing and that the son was. What made it outright unbearable was the jugalbhandi's or duet performances in which the son clearly was playing near nonsense and was completely shadowing any talent that the father was inclined to portray. If you think I am exaggerating, get this - after a while the Ustaad himself realized how much the son was hurting the show, and would tell him to stop playing while he attempted to salvage the situation with some brilliance of his own. Even then, the son would not give up and would make every attempt to join in the middle at which point the Ustaad would angrily slap his hand trying to make him stop. By this point our disappointment and anger at the son turned into being totally entertained and we could barely keep from laughing conspicously. In any case, we got what we wanted and more - an evening of Hindustani music and a comedy show all rolled in one!!

The other event we caught was on Broadway. Now, this is my second Broadway show and I am more impressed each time. Its just fantastic. I used to be a fan of the theatre in Bangalore and have caught many plays even in Los Angeles and Washington DC. But they are just not in the league of Broadway. The show we had tickets for was 'Tarzan'. Well, the story itself would be what we knew it would be...but we were totally unprepared for the special effects, the costumes, the lighting effects, the acrobatics, and the choreography. The whole show highlights the senses, and involves the audience (with actors coming in and out from all over the auditorium). Imagine this - in one scene, the wall at the back of the stage was used like it was the floor, and the actors were performing while being strung on cables obviously and to us the audience it was like we were viewing them from the top....what an amazing effect. It is a holistic sensory delight - the sights and sounds are brilliant...the use of props and special effects can bring in vivid scenes from anywhere onto a stage a few feet in square footage.

Two years ago when I caught 'Hairspray' - also with A and R, I was amazed. 'Tarzan' was different, but equally brilliant. I would highly recommend Broadway to anyone.