I pause and reflect. I wonder how after all this time, it has come to this. Maybe it was inevitable. I give credit where credit is due. I wonder how I am ever going to make that all important decision. I agonize endlessly over it. I realize time is running out. Will it even matter years from now, I wonder. What really is the most important thing here...as I agonize about where I am doing the right thing, I take a brief moment to be thankful. I call home and talk to Ma and Pa. And I am instantly calmed. N and I are goofing off in the evening, and I ask him if he loves Mamma. He gives me his usual naughty smile in answer, because he knows I want him to say yes, and he teases me by saying anything but that. I thought he would continue playing, and suddenly he says he loves Jajja and Momma and G Maama and R Athe...just like that. My heart constricts, and I miss all of them all over again. To think that the child misses them as well is nothing short of wrenching. I was told Life is like that when I brought something up. Just like that, that has become an explanation. For everything. Well, whatever. I shake my head gravely. Illusions have a darned funny way of playing with the mind. N teaches me more about love everyday. P teaches me patience. My friends teach me endurance. We are all enduring different things in this life. When I see some of them suffering, my own anxiety about this or that pales a little bit in comparison. I reach out. To touch their life a little bit, just like they touch mine. Everyday. In the end, I look at all these relationships. In the end, that is what is going to endure us. And redeem us. I am certain of it.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
kaisi hai yeh rut
Strolling down memory lane....this movie, this song....the time, 2001 I think it was. I was young, and crazy, and the very embodiment of the characters in this oh, so popular movie. Seemed like the movie was made for us, of us and by us...in any case, I had fallen in love with this song then. And that didn't happen often with Bollywood songs in general. But this one was something else.
Don't know why I remembered this song today. Looked specifically for it on YouTube and the nostalgia came pouring back in. I'm still smiling...although, with the memories there is now a twinge of something else - what is it? regret? something more than just nostalgia...where have the years gone? sigh...
The lyrics are beautiful....and so is the song.
Don't know why I remembered this song today. Looked specifically for it on YouTube and the nostalgia came pouring back in. I'm still smiling...although, with the memories there is now a twinge of something else - what is it? regret? something more than just nostalgia...where have the years gone? sigh...
The lyrics are beautiful....and so is the song.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Black Swan
Finally, finally saw this movie. And uh, what do I say? Felt incredibly slow moving in the beginning, and a little weird. Am usually up for something different, even intense in a movie, and I guess at any other time, this might have qualified nicely. But am in a slightly sensitive frame of mind these days (heh), and somehow this ended up rubbing a raw nerve somewhere. Have to admit that Natalie Portman has acted incredibly well. Deserving of the academy award. The movie itself started reminding me of Jack Nicholson and The Shining about thirty minutes into it....*shudder*. Yep, not my favourite genre. In general, I'm not a fan of horror, although pure horror is ridiculous. Don't believe in ghosts, and other such crap. However, the psychopath/sociopath is a very real fear for me. And it can be spine chilling in a well made movie. Again, *shudder*.
In any case, was a decent watch. Portman was really very good. Amazed at the ubiquitous token-mostly-with-negative-undertones roles that Mila Kunis seems to be playing all over the place. Could be wrong though, because I simply never watch as nearly the number of movies that I used to, and probably should be...
As the movie started getting progressively more disturbing towards the end, all I was glad about was that I wasn't going to bed alone....:-)
In any case, was a decent watch. Portman was really very good. Amazed at the ubiquitous token-mostly-with-negative-undertones roles that Mila Kunis seems to be playing all over the place. Could be wrong though, because I simply never watch as nearly the number of movies that I used to, and probably should be...
As the movie started getting progressively more disturbing towards the end, all I was glad about was that I wasn't going to bed alone....:-)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
out on a farm again
Raspberry picking this time at Wegmeyer farms in one of the most picturesque parts of Virginia. N had a blast again (he had been told we were doing this and was waiting for days), and I am happy that he sees that fruit comes from plants growing from the soil and not from the grocery store. He braved little thorns on the bushes and picked two pints of raspberries which I was forced to buy. Now I have to figure out what to do with them all. Maybe its cobbler time again. They are really quite good raspberries. You can taste the freshness that you simply don't get when you buy from the store.
It was seriously so peaceful there on the farms. It had just drizzled, and the sun was playing peekaboo from behind the clouds. The lushness and greenery filled me with a sense of calmness that I desperately needed. There were hardly any crowds, maybe we were nice and early. The Gold Heart Sisters, a sweet little band of four sisters and one token brother were actually playing their music under a little tent. How delightful. Of course, N got treated to a raspberry sundae and we sat of benches of haystacks and listened to the very nice music while enjoying the sundae. Once N was done, he and a few other kids began dancing to the music and every time they finished a song, he would run up to them and clap and clap, much to their amusement. He's turning into a real crowd pleaser. Back home now, and I am scouting the Internet for things to make using raspberries...
It was seriously so peaceful there on the farms. It had just drizzled, and the sun was playing peekaboo from behind the clouds. The lushness and greenery filled me with a sense of calmness that I desperately needed. There were hardly any crowds, maybe we were nice and early. The Gold Heart Sisters, a sweet little band of four sisters and one token brother were actually playing their music under a little tent. How delightful. Of course, N got treated to a raspberry sundae and we sat of benches of haystacks and listened to the very nice music while enjoying the sundae. Once N was done, he and a few other kids began dancing to the music and every time they finished a song, he would run up to them and clap and clap, much to their amusement. He's turning into a real crowd pleaser. Back home now, and I am scouting the Internet for things to make using raspberries...
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
my yoga
Nothing fills me with more peace than my yoga practice. With every stretch, every pranayama breath, and with every asana, I bow to the light within me and the light around me. It truly opens the heart and the mind, and lets nothing but peace and tranquility flow in, no matter what else is going on.
name change
Apologize in advance for the name change. I'm hoping you have reached out to me by now and I have told you what the renamed version of this space is. And hopefully you will continue to be an audience.
Been wanting to do that for a while now. Changing the name, that is. And this phrase has always been one of my favourites. Heard it when I was a kid, and I remember wondering what it meant.
"If ifs and buts were pots and pans....there'd be no need for tinkers." How awesome is that!!
Another version I read recently: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a very merry Christmas. That sounds more American, but I like the first one better. Very British sounding. Love it.
I remember smiling and joking with someone at the time about the meaning of the proverb and how funny and cute at the same time it sounded. And now, so many years later, I think how appropriate it is to our continued propensity in life to think how else something could be or should be, because our current reality is something different, and how pointless it is anyway....because if you really want to and have to change your current reality, then go change it! And stop pontificating about tinkers...:-). Or, to rephrase the American version: if all the reasons we come up with for why we can't do something were party foods instead of words, we could have a really great party.
Absolutely love it. Cannot think of a better name for this page. And yes, it rolls off the tongue oh, so nicely. :-)
Been wanting to do that for a while now. Changing the name, that is. And this phrase has always been one of my favourites. Heard it when I was a kid, and I remember wondering what it meant.
"If ifs and buts were pots and pans....there'd be no need for tinkers." How awesome is that!!
Another version I read recently: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a very merry Christmas. That sounds more American, but I like the first one better. Very British sounding. Love it.
I remember smiling and joking with someone at the time about the meaning of the proverb and how funny and cute at the same time it sounded. And now, so many years later, I think how appropriate it is to our continued propensity in life to think how else something could be or should be, because our current reality is something different, and how pointless it is anyway....because if you really want to and have to change your current reality, then go change it! And stop pontificating about tinkers...:-). Or, to rephrase the American version: if all the reasons we come up with for why we can't do something were party foods instead of words, we could have a really great party.
Absolutely love it. Cannot think of a better name for this page. And yes, it rolls off the tongue oh, so nicely. :-)
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
wise words from a smart kid
There's always going to be someone who makes more money than you, who's better at basketball than you, or who climbs the corporate ladder faster than you. There's only so much you should choose to stress about these things. Each of us has our unique place in the Universe to do what we are meant to do. We should choose to make our peace with that, and choose to find happiness in the things that we do have and the things that surround us. Right? :-)
So said GF to me today, the really smart guy I hired a few months ago, the kid who has proven himself in the short span of time he's been on the team, with his nerdiness, geekiness, soft-spokenness and amazing ability to grasp new stuff and get right down to business. The guy I'm going to promote in a few months, even though he doesn't know it yet. Yes, he has youth on his side to support all his general optimism. But he also has a wisdom I'm discovering, and a propensity to be positive about everything. I learn something from every conversation. Definitely one of the upsides of my job.
So said GF to me today, the really smart guy I hired a few months ago, the kid who has proven himself in the short span of time he's been on the team, with his nerdiness, geekiness, soft-spokenness and amazing ability to grasp new stuff and get right down to business. The guy I'm going to promote in a few months, even though he doesn't know it yet. Yes, he has youth on his side to support all his general optimism. But he also has a wisdom I'm discovering, and a propensity to be positive about everything. I learn something from every conversation. Definitely one of the upsides of my job.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The debt debate
Disgusted at the delay/uncertainty/anxiety being created by the GOP throwing a wrench into the work being done to raise the US debt ceiling. If this thing fails, God knows what is going to happen to the world economy. As precarious as the economic eco-system is right now, it is going to spell nothing but disaster if those idiots don't realize it and stop acting like idiots for once. The sheer idiocy of the whole thing amazes me. Was discussing this with P today and I said how its possible for educated and rational people to be making the kind of argument they (the republicans) are making. P pointed out that the most obstinate ones among them aren't. Educated and rational, that is. And that is quite possibly the problem here. They seem to be taking pleasure in holding the country (and in turn the world) hostage to their version of how the economics should work. Crazy.
In general, I had a rule that this space was for personal opinions/thoughts and that I would not be making political (or not) statements, etc etc. But this time, I cannot help myself. Right-wing nut-jobism is morphing into something more terrible/terrifying. Hoping sanity prevails somehow. For everyone's sake.
In general, I had a rule that this space was for personal opinions/thoughts and that I would not be making political (or not) statements, etc etc. But this time, I cannot help myself. Right-wing nut-jobism is morphing into something more terrible/terrifying. Hoping sanity prevails somehow. For everyone's sake.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Weekend madness
And just like that another weekend is over. Another weekend that was hot, hectic and super busy. Crazy. Birthday party, kids tiring themselves out. Which was an awesome thing, because nap time was a breeze for once. IKEA!!!! Bought things for the house other than the thing we went there to buy! But IKEA is always like that. So, that's ok. Dinner and a movie. New strategy for getting N to sleep through the night, and in his own room. There is a small ray of hope that it will work. Sunday morning was actually a lazy morning for once. Trip to the hairdresser. N sat through his haircut without crying. Another first! Looks super cute now! Tennis. Library. Shopping at the mall. Realized N has had too much junk to eat this weekend. Got him on an all-fruit snack diet today. Worked out well. Make N's dinner, our dinner. Bath time. Story time. Bed time. Now if only he finally will go to sleep, I can finally put my feet up. And wonder what happened to the weekend. Wait, what weekend????
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Outliers
~ By Malcolm Gladwell
Fantastic read. In spite of the recommendations and rave reviews, had not had a chance to pick it up until recently. The minute I started reading, I was hooked. Brilliant writer, amazing use of examples to illustrate the core point of the book, and high enough interest level maintained throughout to make you not want to put down the book at all. Quite a feat. The book attempts to outline the 'story' of success - how successful people got to where they are, and that there's a hell of a lot more to success than the individual's achievements.
I have to admit, after the rather incredible first example on the Canadian hockey players, I was tending towards slight skepticism when I started reading the examples of Bill Joy and Bill Gates. I thought the data was being presented in too arranged a manner. Errr, I do data analysis for a living, and I know only too well how any argument can be data driven, OR, it can be entirely hypothesis driven, and one can always find some data or the other to support that hypothesis. :-). Worse, in many cases, one can twist and turn the data to make it support the hypothesis. Oh, how well I know this. I see it every day.
However, Gladwell is impossible to argue with. And really, the point he's making throughout the book is obvious if you think about it. The framework of his argument is flawless if you think about it. The problem is that we rarely think about it in that way. And he's so masterfully explained the examples with compelling data points, that its really difficult to poke holes in his theory. Big ones, at least. And I tried, for the fun of it. :-)
I was told every parent should read this book. I'm glad I did. It's true! Every parent should read this book. And I love Gladwell's writing style. It is simple, honest, and seems to come straight from the heart.
Amazing book. Gotta pick up his The Tipping Point and Blink next.
Fantastic read. In spite of the recommendations and rave reviews, had not had a chance to pick it up until recently. The minute I started reading, I was hooked. Brilliant writer, amazing use of examples to illustrate the core point of the book, and high enough interest level maintained throughout to make you not want to put down the book at all. Quite a feat. The book attempts to outline the 'story' of success - how successful people got to where they are, and that there's a hell of a lot more to success than the individual's achievements.
I have to admit, after the rather incredible first example on the Canadian hockey players, I was tending towards slight skepticism when I started reading the examples of Bill Joy and Bill Gates. I thought the data was being presented in too arranged a manner. Errr, I do data analysis for a living, and I know only too well how any argument can be data driven, OR, it can be entirely hypothesis driven, and one can always find some data or the other to support that hypothesis. :-). Worse, in many cases, one can twist and turn the data to make it support the hypothesis. Oh, how well I know this. I see it every day.
However, Gladwell is impossible to argue with. And really, the point he's making throughout the book is obvious if you think about it. The framework of his argument is flawless if you think about it. The problem is that we rarely think about it in that way. And he's so masterfully explained the examples with compelling data points, that its really difficult to poke holes in his theory. Big ones, at least. And I tried, for the fun of it. :-)
I was told every parent should read this book. I'm glad I did. It's true! Every parent should read this book. And I love Gladwell's writing style. It is simple, honest, and seems to come straight from the heart.
Amazing book. Gotta pick up his The Tipping Point and Blink next.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Hot, hot, hot!
Heat wave approaching DC starting today and lasting a whole week, with the worst part coming later in the week. Ugh.
Time to turn up the cooling, and minimize the clothing. :-)
Time to turn up the cooling, and minimize the clothing. :-)
Sunday, July 17, 2011
One of those days
It's been one of those days when...
- am so thankful for friends. Met so many of them over the last 2 weeks, and especially this weekend. Watching N interact with the kids, just hanging out in J & R's backyard, going to the park, and the city...realized how all these people make life a whole lot better.
- am in amazement at how much N is chattering away, and the words he is learning and the things he comes up with when we least expect them! It's hilarious but also a strong indication that we have to absolutely watch what we say when he's around. Because he's listening and imitating all the time. Gosh!
- still smile when I think of N's highlight of the weekend. Had gone for pizza after the playground on Sat, and who should turn up for their dinner but 2 cops. N's jaw dropped open as soon as he saw them (they had of course just got out of their cop car and were fully uniformed, complete with weapons and all) and he couldn't stop staring. So I took him and walked over to their table and told them he wanted to say Hi. They were most friendly, and shook his hand and talked to him and asked him what he was going to eat, etc. He was so in awe. :-) We came back to our table, and I could see the absolute thrill on his face. :-))
- P took N to the park this evening, and I had some time to myself. Decided to cook up a storm, and I did. I am far from the domestic type (although I'm a stickler for cleanliness - I cannot stand dirt or messes, my kitchen and bathrooms have to be clean always, and clutter equals stress - yes, maybe that's borderline OCD, don't care what they call it!) yet I don't dislike cooking, but I don't like to do it everyday and I certainly don't like to do it for long periods. But today, I just went on and on. It was almost therapeutic. Now there's enough food for a whole week. :-)
- feel like taking a vacation...where I don't do anything much....just sleep to my heart's content, maybe :-)
- was telling someone today how N's surgery and the last three weeks brought the best and the worst out in us as parents, and how the love-for-your-child thing got multiplied by a factor of a million or so through the whole thing....it's true. :-)
- am thankful for this space here. Even though the dramatics threatens to go out of control at times (hee hee), its still something I enjoy doing...so, if you read this, thanks for reading!
- am so thankful for friends. Met so many of them over the last 2 weeks, and especially this weekend. Watching N interact with the kids, just hanging out in J & R's backyard, going to the park, and the city...realized how all these people make life a whole lot better.
- am in amazement at how much N is chattering away, and the words he is learning and the things he comes up with when we least expect them! It's hilarious but also a strong indication that we have to absolutely watch what we say when he's around. Because he's listening and imitating all the time. Gosh!
- still smile when I think of N's highlight of the weekend. Had gone for pizza after the playground on Sat, and who should turn up for their dinner but 2 cops. N's jaw dropped open as soon as he saw them (they had of course just got out of their cop car and were fully uniformed, complete with weapons and all) and he couldn't stop staring. So I took him and walked over to their table and told them he wanted to say Hi. They were most friendly, and shook his hand and talked to him and asked him what he was going to eat, etc. He was so in awe. :-) We came back to our table, and I could see the absolute thrill on his face. :-))
- P took N to the park this evening, and I had some time to myself. Decided to cook up a storm, and I did. I am far from the domestic type (although I'm a stickler for cleanliness - I cannot stand dirt or messes, my kitchen and bathrooms have to be clean always, and clutter equals stress - yes, maybe that's borderline OCD, don't care what they call it!) yet I don't dislike cooking, but I don't like to do it everyday and I certainly don't like to do it for long periods. But today, I just went on and on. It was almost therapeutic. Now there's enough food for a whole week. :-)
- feel like taking a vacation...where I don't do anything much....just sleep to my heart's content, maybe :-)
- was telling someone today how N's surgery and the last three weeks brought the best and the worst out in us as parents, and how the love-for-your-child thing got multiplied by a factor of a million or so through the whole thing....it's true. :-)
- am thankful for this space here. Even though the dramatics threatens to go out of control at times (hee hee), its still something I enjoy doing...so, if you read this, thanks for reading!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Reactions
So many times, it is so easy to react on the spur of the moment. Reaction to something is instant and emotions rise to the surface unabated. It is so easy then, to say something or do something or show something of how you are feeling. Unless you take a deep breath, and walk away. And get a night's sleep over it. Come morning, you feel just a little bit different about it. Perspective has made its wise way into the stormy seas of emotion.
I have, oh so wisely, decided to simply let my silence be my reaction.
I have, oh so wisely, decided to simply let my silence be my reaction.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
He's a growing boy, it seems
I had a big time problem when they said N had 'graduated' from being an infant to a toddler around his first birthday. Ok, yes, that's me, so please stop laughing. My baby, the sweet infant with all his baby innocence, now a toddler? Ok, whatever. I had just about come to terms with that. With his toddler-hood came the terrible two's and every other delightful thing we as parents could possibly come across (oh and by the way, the sleepless nights didn't stop). I was kind of still grappling with 'toddler' and now they tell me that he's no longer one. He's supposedly a 'pre-schooler' now! What!! School? Pre-school? My N?
Where has the time gone? And have I captured enough of those memories? As I look at some of his baby pictures, with the layers of baby fat around his sweet face that have now disappeared to make way for more handsome defined 'pre-schooler' features, and as I fold and store away yet another piece of clothing because it does not fit him anymore, a little fraction of my heart is broken...again.
Where has the time gone? And have I captured enough of those memories? As I look at some of his baby pictures, with the layers of baby fat around his sweet face that have now disappeared to make way for more handsome defined 'pre-schooler' features, and as I fold and store away yet another piece of clothing because it does not fit him anymore, a little fraction of my heart is broken...again.
Clarity
What a liberating feeling it is when something becomes clear in the mind. When you take the emotions out, and add a dollop of practicality, and let realism soak in...when you see something for what it is, and the cloud is lifted...when you realize how subjectivity held you captive in the past...when clarity of thought engulfs the brain...its so so liberating. Now finally, one can hope for some peace. :-)
Monday, July 11, 2011
summer and reading and other things
Signing up to get really busy at work soon. Has to be done. Looking forward to it actually. In the mean time, have resumed my reading again. More on what I am reading and what I think of them soon. Only going with recommendations from friends and family right now. No time to try anything else. Also, we are approaching the peak of DC summer here, but still feels great to do all the outdoor stuff. Yeah summer is hot and sweaty, but beats the bone biting chill of winter any day. :-)
On another happy note, R will be here soon. Waiting to see you!!
On another happy note, R will be here soon. Waiting to see you!!
The past ten days had taken its toll. Unbelievably stressful. Until yesterday. A good night's sleep and no incidents with N has done wonders. His smile and apparent decrease in discomfort have been a soothing balm on my own pain. Pain of having put him through it all.
We are all slowly bouncing back into normalcy, after what seemed like a bad dream. Thank God for P. Thank God for parents. Thank God for friends. And thank God for my brave little baby, who has taught me to be strong and resilient. And still teaches me every single day.
We are all slowly bouncing back into normalcy, after what seemed like a bad dream. Thank God for P. Thank God for parents. Thank God for friends. And thank God for my brave little baby, who has taught me to be strong and resilient. And still teaches me every single day.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Of emotions and more...
I look back at this past month and am amazed at what an emotionally intense month it has been. Huge! On multiple levels. In multiple ways. So much has been said. So much has happened. And so much has been felt.
I guess I will always remember this time. Life is just so funny and strange and unpredictable all at the same time. And yet, the one thing it does without fail is constantly teach you something new about yourself. Yes, this past month I did learn. So much. I learnt that I can be emotional, but that I can also hold back. I learnt that I can be outspoken, but that I can also keep my thoughts in check. I learnt to be tough once more, but I also learnt to open up my mind and my heart and be myself. I learnt that I can bring down that guard for just a little bit, to let just a little something in....just for a little while. So that happiness could invade. :-)
Life. You've gotta love it and laugh at the way it works. That, in the end, is the only way to live.
I guess I will always remember this time. Life is just so funny and strange and unpredictable all at the same time. And yet, the one thing it does without fail is constantly teach you something new about yourself. Yes, this past month I did learn. So much. I learnt that I can be emotional, but that I can also hold back. I learnt that I can be outspoken, but that I can also keep my thoughts in check. I learnt to be tough once more, but I also learnt to open up my mind and my heart and be myself. I learnt that I can bring down that guard for just a little bit, to let just a little something in....just for a little while. So that happiness could invade. :-)
Life. You've gotta love it and laugh at the way it works. That, in the end, is the only way to live.
trials of parenting
The past week has been hard. Hard on us, for sure, but harder on N. He's pulling through and the natural resilience of childhood will help him endure - the pain, the anxiety and the stress of the moment. And soon, he'll be back bouncing off the walls once more, this painful incident forgotten. He's so young now, years from now, he will not even remember this.
The real trial is for us. Parenting has been one big guilt trip. Are we doing enough? Are we giving enough? Are we planning enough, are we providing enough? Always doubting whether we can be doing something better, even though we are giving a 110% of all that is possible.
And it is so even in this case. No amount of sleep deprivation, anxiety, planning, taking infinite amounts of time off from work, etc seem to have been enough to deal with the stress, to deal with the guilt of having put him through this. N has taken more than the stipulated time to recover, and his pain and stress are enough to elevate ours to extremely high levels. While maintaining sanity and calm outwards for his sake, it has taken its toll. I'm exhausted and cranky myself. And yet, I have to stay focused. Yet, I have to be mom. That job never ends.
Cannot wait for next week.
The real trial is for us. Parenting has been one big guilt trip. Are we doing enough? Are we giving enough? Are we planning enough, are we providing enough? Always doubting whether we can be doing something better, even though we are giving a 110% of all that is possible.
And it is so even in this case. No amount of sleep deprivation, anxiety, planning, taking infinite amounts of time off from work, etc seem to have been enough to deal with the stress, to deal with the guilt of having put him through this. N has taken more than the stipulated time to recover, and his pain and stress are enough to elevate ours to extremely high levels. While maintaining sanity and calm outwards for his sake, it has taken its toll. I'm exhausted and cranky myself. And yet, I have to stay focused. Yet, I have to be mom. That job never ends.
Cannot wait for next week.
Friday, July 01, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
There definitely was a higher being that oversaw events today. Days of mild-ish anxiety culminated in finally taking N in for his surgery early this morning. The minute we stepped into the hospital, he knew something was going to happen, and became clingy as hell. Even in the midst of what must have been a scary situation for him, he ran and gave the ENT surgeon whom he had met on two occasions before, a big hug. The spontaneity of childhood...
I finally walked with the surgeon and the anesthesiologist (who was the most re-assuring professional I have met in a long time) into the OR with N in my arms. I was strangely very calm, even as his anxiety had to have been on the rise. The OR was a bustle of activity and once again, I was amazed by the professionalism, the efficiency and the attitude of the staff in there. The last time I was blown away by that, in spite of the state that I had been in, was when N was born. Then, I was almost in awe of the way I had been treated, and the way in which absolutely the most intense moments of my life - when my first child was born, was made as comfortable for me as was possible. Today, I saw that same level of concern and commitment. I can never get over how well these people do their jobs here in this country, how they make you feel like they care. And so, I just decided to trust them to take care of N. And I was so calm there today in the OR, as they began to administer the gas through a mask over his nose and mouth, and he began to struggle. My only focus of the moment was to make sure he knew that I was right there with him. I held him close even as they began to make him inhale the gas that would knock him out, which would then let them inject the anesthesia into him. In a matter of seconds he was asleep, I gave him a quick kiss and left the OR. Now all we had to do was wait...
An hour or so later, we saw him. He was disoriented and crying, and once he was back in my arms, I started to calm him down. My poor baby. And unbelievably, in a few minutes he started to recover. Enough to make the doctors say that we could take him home right away, instead of having to stay the night at the hospital as originally anticipated. I am just so thankful that everything went off ok.
Even though he's been on pain medication, he's still in considerable pain, and the offer of unlimited ice-cream seems not to be able to mitigate that. Which is saying that he's in a LOT of pain. And still the child is bearing it with a dignity I cannot fathom.
As always, I have so much to learn from the little guy.
I finally walked with the surgeon and the anesthesiologist (who was the most re-assuring professional I have met in a long time) into the OR with N in my arms. I was strangely very calm, even as his anxiety had to have been on the rise. The OR was a bustle of activity and once again, I was amazed by the professionalism, the efficiency and the attitude of the staff in there. The last time I was blown away by that, in spite of the state that I had been in, was when N was born. Then, I was almost in awe of the way I had been treated, and the way in which absolutely the most intense moments of my life - when my first child was born, was made as comfortable for me as was possible. Today, I saw that same level of concern and commitment. I can never get over how well these people do their jobs here in this country, how they make you feel like they care. And so, I just decided to trust them to take care of N. And I was so calm there today in the OR, as they began to administer the gas through a mask over his nose and mouth, and he began to struggle. My only focus of the moment was to make sure he knew that I was right there with him. I held him close even as they began to make him inhale the gas that would knock him out, which would then let them inject the anesthesia into him. In a matter of seconds he was asleep, I gave him a quick kiss and left the OR. Now all we had to do was wait...
An hour or so later, we saw him. He was disoriented and crying, and once he was back in my arms, I started to calm him down. My poor baby. And unbelievably, in a few minutes he started to recover. Enough to make the doctors say that we could take him home right away, instead of having to stay the night at the hospital as originally anticipated. I am just so thankful that everything went off ok.
Even though he's been on pain medication, he's still in considerable pain, and the offer of unlimited ice-cream seems not to be able to mitigate that. Which is saying that he's in a LOT of pain. And still the child is bearing it with a dignity I cannot fathom.
As always, I have so much to learn from the little guy.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Not been looking forward to this week at all. I know it will be tough on me, but it will be tougher on N. In my mind, I know why this needs to be done, and that he will be better off because of it. But how do I untie that knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Thank God, I am not alone going through this. And as for my baby, he's the bravest little one there ever could be, so he'll get through this just fine. :-)
Having said that, my resilience and strength as a mother will surely be tested this week.
Having said that, my resilience and strength as a mother will surely be tested this week.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
enjoying the Potomac
Watched the Potomac in real fine form today at Great Falls. Its almost hypnotic to watch the falls cascade down the rocks. What was more amazing was to see the canoers make their way down the forceful falls. For that crazy moment when they are at the tip of the falls, I watched with bated breath, super scared for what looked like a really scary, crazy descent. And then down they came, one by one, obviously in the best physical shape ever, and god knows how much training they've had to be able to do that. Amazing! Standing at the vantage view point where we had the best, most gorgeous view, the watching crowd broke into cheers and applause. In a few minutes, the people in the boats came to the edge of the rocks, got off, started to climb the rocks back to the start of the falls, to do it all over again!! Seriously wow!
Chances
When you had the chance to do something you wanted so bad...and it slipped right through your fingers - the realization that you may not get that chance again, ever - is the hardest thing to deal with.
What was that thing they said about opportunity? That it comes knocking or something...well, in this case, it was more like it came bearing down on an unsuspecting me, threatening to crash my world around me, and destroy my sense of balance. And yet, in the strangest of ways, it would have lifted me up, up to that magical high place, where I always dreamed of going....
What was that thing they said about opportunity? That it comes knocking or something...well, in this case, it was more like it came bearing down on an unsuspecting me, threatening to crash my world around me, and destroy my sense of balance. And yet, in the strangest of ways, it would have lifted me up, up to that magical high place, where I always dreamed of going....
Saturday, June 25, 2011
DC again
Drove into DC today. It was a fantastic day with just the right amount of sunshine. Could not believe how green the place is along the beautiful drive into the city. George Washington Parkway is a treat to drive on. And when you start approaching Georgetown with the Potomac to your left below you, the views are amazing. Cross the Roosevelt Bridge and there you are in the heart of DC, with the Mall area looming in front of you. Love this city.
Walking around in the sunshine, amused by all the tourists doing the touristy thing. More amused by the folks taking the tour on Segways. Gotta do that someday.
Watching N take in the sights and exhibits at the Natural History Museum was a delight. Not yet three, but already a sponge for absorbing, learning. :-)
Walking around in the sunshine, amused by all the tourists doing the touristy thing. More amused by the folks taking the tour on Segways. Gotta do that someday.
Watching N take in the sights and exhibits at the Natural History Museum was a delight. Not yet three, but already a sponge for absorbing, learning. :-)
Of ups and downs and everything in between...
Hoping for a break
The tiredness is calling
Hoping for some good news
The bad news was wrenching
Hoping for some laughter
The mind it is drowning
Hoping for a tear
The sadness is looming
Hoping for light through the darkness
Feeling low, low, low
Life is full of ups and downs. We all know that. Mine is no different. Just going through a rough day, I guess. I know tomorrow will be different. The sun will rise. The birds will sing. And my sweet love will call my name with all the innocence and intent of the pure of heart. And then I know that joy will course through my veins again. :-)
The tiredness is calling
Hoping for some good news
The bad news was wrenching
Hoping for some laughter
The mind it is drowning
Hoping for a tear
The sadness is looming
Hoping for light through the darkness
Feeling low, low, low
Life is full of ups and downs. We all know that. Mine is no different. Just going through a rough day, I guess. I know tomorrow will be different. The sun will rise. The birds will sing. And my sweet love will call my name with all the innocence and intent of the pure of heart. And then I know that joy will course through my veins again. :-)
My music
Decided to bring back the old music to my life today. Decided to train my voice again to remember how it used to perform. When I think of the years invested in formal training, the hours of riyaaz, the sense of achievement, but more than anything else, the peace of listening to myself, the joy of singing for others and noting with satisfaction their appreciation....suddenly feel the need to get back to that. I remember my father's words...he always said, and still does..."your voice is a gift from God. Make the most of it"...:-)
Anyway, switched on the shruti instrument, and as I listened to the strains of Sa-Pa-Sa....my respect for this music began to take hold once more. And when I let my voice find the same notes, the connection was instant.
Dug up all my old lesson books. Voice is rusty from ages of no practice. Will take some work to open it up and get back in shape. Am not beyond getting that done. Not yet, anyway.
Anyway, switched on the shruti instrument, and as I listened to the strains of Sa-Pa-Sa....my respect for this music began to take hold once more. And when I let my voice find the same notes, the connection was instant.
Dug up all my old lesson books. Voice is rusty from ages of no practice. Will take some work to open it up and get back in shape. Am not beyond getting that done. Not yet, anyway.
more dramatic prose...:-)
This day has wrested from her her last vestiges of patience and perseverance. Frustration wells up inside and threatens to show up as a mood. And she had willed herself not to let it come to this. She had willed herself and it had worked. Until today. Realization dawned clear as the light of day. Many times in life, you put way, way more into something than you get out of it. And so it was with this. And with that realization, there also dawned a sense of clarity that was so sharp, so poignant, so real that it almost made her smile, even with a wrenching of her heart. Suddenly, she knew what to do. Suddenly she knew how to make sense of it all. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be, all, all along.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
fitness
Behaving like a gym rat these days. Sudden inspiration from God knows where. Of course, not a bad thing at all. Yoga, cardio on the elliptical and treadmill, strength weights and cycling. Went during lunch at work yesterday and got a little carried away. When I got off the treadmill after the final bout, I realized that maybe I had overdone it a tad bit when my head was spinning for a half minute after I stopped. Too much blood in the brain probably...:) In any case, I was fine in a couple of minutes, and I was feeling great after that. The rest of the day at work went remarkably well. Except for a couple of difficult conversations with a couple of difficult people. Hehe. But then, nothing can get one out of those, really. Comes with the territory. Whateva!
Monday, June 20, 2011
pictures
Looking and sorting through all the wedding pictures. They are so beautiful. Almost tearing up...
Amazing pictures. Amazing memories. The photographers and their very expensive cameras have exceeded expectations, to say the least!
Amazing pictures. Amazing memories. The photographers and their very expensive cameras have exceeded expectations, to say the least!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Thoughts
When something is on your mind so constantly, how do you de-focus from that and get your brain into normal functioning mode? Perhaps you concentrate on a difficult task, so that you are forced to think of something else, and work at it. Or perhaps, you start talking to someone to become engrossed in that, even if for a while. Maybe you start reading something important, something interesting. The mind is such a crazy thing. So difficult to train it, to command it, to stop it, from thinking, thinking.....
Cake!
Am such a fan of cake. No, seriously I am. Was enjoying a piece of yummy, fluffy cake at work with good friend C, and we were talking about Food Network, which I'm a big fan of BTW, and baking. She asked me if I liked to bake, and my simple answer was no. The more appropriate answer is actually that I don't know how to. I have never taken the trouble to try baking. Given that I am more than a decent cook (based on general feedback now) and the fact that I don't at all mind cooking, its interesting to say the least that I don't bake often. I know a few easy things to make, and I bake them from time to time, but its pretty sporadic at best. Especially when I love baked stuff, desserts, and such. And there is SUCH a variety to try. And most of it is not even that hard, from what I can tell. By watching FN (hehe). I love to watch the baking shows. So C and I were talking about watching baking shows and that how wonderful it would be if soon after watching them bake something, it would actually be delivered to our front door! And hey, right there, isn't that a swell business idea? How many impulsive buys would you have? Tons, I would think.
Anyway, I'm such a die-hard fan of cake. Love it. Pineapple is my all time favorite flavor. Maybe it is time to take up baking as a new hobby. Why not, indeed?
Anyway, I'm such a die-hard fan of cake. Love it. Pineapple is my all time favorite flavor. Maybe it is time to take up baking as a new hobby. Why not, indeed?
Change
Have asked for that change at work. Let's see what happens. I'm the sort of person that's completely averse to change, of course of the less than positive variety. I usually don't like it at all, and I usually take more than my fair share of time to deal with it. In this case, however, much time has passed, and I feel I am ready for something new. Again, no idea what things I have set in motion by initiating those conversations. And part of me is nervous of the consequences. But I am learning that in life, nothing is gained by sitting around and thinking about stuff. Boy, am I learning. Get out there and do it, if you've been wanting to. That's what I have learnt. Life is just too short. Before you know it, it will have passed you by. Anyway, I digress. The point is, its time for a change. And this time its been up to me to kick it off.
Wishing myself luck for things to come. And they surely will.
Wishing myself luck for things to come. And they surely will.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
So...
Have this super strong urge to write something, but I don't quite know what, and more importantly, how.
:-)
So, I guess you know what that means....more random ramblings, that will verge on boring, or worse, aggravating.
Apologies in advance.
:-)
So, I guess you know what that means....more random ramblings, that will verge on boring, or worse, aggravating.
Apologies in advance.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
raftin down the riva
Went white water rafting with the team on the James river in Richmond yesterday. Was good fun. The first part verged on boring thanks to a few class II rapids on what was lowish water levels thanks to recent decrease in rains. Most of the fun was had by cracking jokes within and across rafts - there were six of them, and splashing water with the paddles or water guns onto the other rafts. After a point we were just floating down the river on what was actually a gorgeous day, beautiful sunshine and a serene environment...we were not even allowed to race. People started jumping into the river and swimming around and goofing off.
Post lunch though was a different story. We started checking out class III's and one wannabe class IV. That was cool. People fell, lost things, rafts got stuck on rocks, and all the usual rafting mis-adventures ensued. Finally landed in downtown Richmond and got out of the river.
Have to say that the white water experience itself paled in comparison to Kern river, in Kern county, California. Still, very decent time pass. Not a bad way at all to spend a Wednesday.
Post lunch though was a different story. We started checking out class III's and one wannabe class IV. That was cool. People fell, lost things, rafts got stuck on rocks, and all the usual rafting mis-adventures ensued. Finally landed in downtown Richmond and got out of the river.
Have to say that the white water experience itself paled in comparison to Kern river, in Kern county, California. Still, very decent time pass. Not a bad way at all to spend a Wednesday.
Friday, June 10, 2011
hmm
The skies are so blue...
The breeze ruffles the leaves on the trees
And brings the scent of something wonderful to me
And brings the memory of something wonderful to me
Am tired, and if I could sleep now, it would be so good
If I could dream now, it would be so good
But for now, I cannot, and yet,
In my tiredness, I smile
For the heart, it is happy
And the mind, it is at peace.
The breeze ruffles the leaves on the trees
And brings the scent of something wonderful to me
And brings the memory of something wonderful to me
Am tired, and if I could sleep now, it would be so good
If I could dream now, it would be so good
But for now, I cannot, and yet,
In my tiredness, I smile
For the heart, it is happy
And the mind, it is at peace.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Of old friends...
To be able to pick up the phone and just call. And just talk. Or just vent. Or just pour my heart out. To not be judged. To talk. To listen. To be able to put down the phone feeling tons better than before.
This is a luxury that has to be earned. One has to be lucky to have this in life.
Thank you, my friend. For today, and all those other conversations before.
This is a luxury that has to be earned. One has to be lucky to have this in life.
Thank you, my friend. For today, and all those other conversations before.
Perspective
Every now and then, a little perspective is always a good thing. The perspective I got today was a very good thing. Spot on. Given everything, given all the years, given the past, it drove the point damn straight home, I am still amazed by it. Thank you N.
Question is, what am I going to do with it?
What, indeed?
Question is, what am I going to do with it?
What, indeed?
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Words
So much to say....and yet...
Where to find the listener?
Where to find the moment?
And where, oh where...to find the words?
Where to find the listener?
Where to find the moment?
And where, oh where...to find the words?
Monday, May 02, 2011
Home
Just over a year still makes the anticipation almost unbearable. It is and always will be. Home. Was a long journey with N to get here. Have to admit I was nervous of making the very long journey all by myself. N exceeded all expectations and was a really good boy. Made my life relatively as easy as a twenty two hour journey could possibly make. Anyway, I'm here now and that's what matters.
Been a few days now, but still severly jetlagged and tired as hell. Happy days ahead, so its all worth it.
Ah, home. This is truly where my heart is.
Been a few days now, but still severly jetlagged and tired as hell. Happy days ahead, so its all worth it.
Ah, home. This is truly where my heart is.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
This Idol thing again
Cannot believe I am hooked onto this nonsense again. The batch seems to be better overall this time. Down to 6 kids. Almost sure which one will win. Sorely, sorely missing Simon Cowell and his no-nonsense frankness. The set of judges are useless, Jennifer Lopez included. Steven Tyler is a hoot. He looks bored most of the time. Sure he will not bother next season. Best joke was when the current season began, someone shrieked that Paula Abdul's drug problem had made her appearance really hideous. Until someone else pointed out that that was not Paula, but Steven Tyler. Hilarious.
Ah, the joy of engaging in such frivolousness..
Go Idol!
Ah, the joy of engaging in such frivolousness..
Go Idol!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
To Jude
Been a completely stressful day. Cannot believe how tired I am. Times like these, I wish I could just walk away by myself somewhere and sit down for a few minutes and do nothing. Not think, not feel, nothing. Just let my body and mind rest. But for now, that feels like a luxury I cannot hope for. For now, I have to plough on.
In the midst of it all, her gentleness feels like a soothing balm on my raw wounds. Jude. My yoga teacher. She's awesome. Her smile, her voice, instantly begin to calm me down from the second I step into the class. I wonder at her. At her life. She's given up a lot to pursue yoga. How does one do something like that. How do you give up the rest of your life to choose this path? I am so far from doing something like that, but I really have to wonder. Looking at her, her sense of peace, her grace, her calmness, and I think maybe there is something to stopping, taking a really really deep breath - the Ujjayi kind, and assessing what you really want from this life. What is important amidst the myriad priorities on your plate. Is not peace of mind at the top? Should it not be? Then, should you not pursue that which will get you there...I wonder. Especially on days like today, when exhaustion is threatening to snatch my sanity away.
Hoping for a good night's sleep. Tomorrow is a whole new day.
In the midst of it all, her gentleness feels like a soothing balm on my raw wounds. Jude. My yoga teacher. She's awesome. Her smile, her voice, instantly begin to calm me down from the second I step into the class. I wonder at her. At her life. She's given up a lot to pursue yoga. How does one do something like that. How do you give up the rest of your life to choose this path? I am so far from doing something like that, but I really have to wonder. Looking at her, her sense of peace, her grace, her calmness, and I think maybe there is something to stopping, taking a really really deep breath - the Ujjayi kind, and assessing what you really want from this life. What is important amidst the myriad priorities on your plate. Is not peace of mind at the top? Should it not be? Then, should you not pursue that which will get you there...I wonder. Especially on days like today, when exhaustion is threatening to snatch my sanity away.
Hoping for a good night's sleep. Tomorrow is a whole new day.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Dreams
Somewhere in her dreams there is a rainbow. And a promise of a love song. Sung just for her. And only for her. Somewhere in her dreams there is that thing that makes her heart beat faster, and brings a smile to her lips.
And then she wakes up with a start. Was that a dream? Or another memory? She decides it does not matter. All that matters is that it was the lovliest feeling ever. And for now, that will suffice.
And then she wakes up with a start. Was that a dream? Or another memory? She decides it does not matter. All that matters is that it was the lovliest feeling ever. And for now, that will suffice.
Paying your dues
Nothing comes free in this life. That's the bottom line. The price of things varies, and the form of payment varies, but nothing comes free. You have to pay your dues. Before you expect any form of return. Or redemption. At work, at home, with family, friends. In time, every facet of life demands its payment.
How often do we look around us, at other people's lives, their shenanigans on Facebook and think - hey, they have a great life. Or at least it certainly looks that way. How often do we think we have something that other people see on the outside and wish they had in their life. Maybe even feel envious. The truth though, is that you have paid your dues for what you have achieved, or have accomplished, or have created. The pain arises when the return is still out of sight. That is the case with almost everyone, I believe. Certainly with my own life. Nothing has come without having paid my dues. Nothing has come free. And in some cases, I am still paying. And just hoping that redemption will come.
This is the reality of being an adult.
How often do we look around us, at other people's lives, their shenanigans on Facebook and think - hey, they have a great life. Or at least it certainly looks that way. How often do we think we have something that other people see on the outside and wish they had in their life. Maybe even feel envious. The truth though, is that you have paid your dues for what you have achieved, or have accomplished, or have created. The pain arises when the return is still out of sight. That is the case with almost everyone, I believe. Certainly with my own life. Nothing has come without having paid my dues. Nothing has come free. And in some cases, I am still paying. And just hoping that redemption will come.
This is the reality of being an adult.
Visit to the Dentist
Decidedly unpleasant experience. Even though what I had to get done was nothing major. I just don't like the poking and prodding. Or the sensitivity and pain. Even with the Novocaine. And the anesthetic. :-). Ok, so I am kinda pain intolerant. Well, quite a bit. I got a talking to, that if I had gone more often, it would have been easier. And I was advised to go more often from now on, at least twice a year. That seems like too much, but we'll see. Also, looks like some teeth extraction is in my future. Wisdom teeth at that. Crazy. Wonder how long I can put that off. Four teeth have to go, and I have to be put to sleep for it. And be driven home, and not be able to function properly for an evening. And be in pain for a few days (knowing me, that will be quite unbearable).
Ugh. Who has the time for all that now?
Anyway, shall decide all that later. For now, there's happier things to look forward to. :)
Ugh. Who has the time for all that now?
Anyway, shall decide all that later. For now, there's happier things to look forward to. :)
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The Reader
Its happened to me more than once, that I now believe its the way to come across absolute gems without looking for one. Random channel surfing in the relatively very little time we have to channel surf or even watch television these days, and one of those random arty-farty channels has this movie playing.
The Reader - an outstanding film. Intense and captivating. Set in post World War 2 Germany. Very powerful story line. Kate Winslet is simply outstanding in it. I believe she won an Oscar for it. Not surprising.
Wonder why this movie didn't get the publicity that I think it deserves? Or did I miss it, like so many other things?
Brilliant stuff.
The Reader - an outstanding film. Intense and captivating. Set in post World War 2 Germany. Very powerful story line. Kate Winslet is simply outstanding in it. I believe she won an Oscar for it. Not surprising.
Wonder why this movie didn't get the publicity that I think it deserves? Or did I miss it, like so many other things?
Brilliant stuff.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Deja Vu
He was sleeping next to me, and I languished in the snugly warmth of our bodies. He turned to face me, still fast asleep. Then he tilted his head back, as if to check me out, and yet his eyes were closed. And then he gave a little shake of his head, and wrinkled his nose just a wee bit, as if to say "Hmf, she'll do". And then he put his head right back on my shoulder, snuggled closer and continued to sleep. That's when I had a most awesome deja vu moment. He had done this two and a half years ago, on the day that he was born. The exact same thing. The tilt and shake of the head, the wrinkling of the nose, and the expression. Exactly the same. I remembered experiencing the most awesome feeling of love back then. And I felt the very same thing again today.
Couldn't ask for a better start to the day.
Couldn't ask for a better start to the day.
Happy Ugadi
Happy Ugadi to all. May the new year bring you accomplishments, wisdom, and more meaningful moments with loved ones. Above all, may it bring you more peace.
It's a HUGE day :-)))
N is a big boy now. Weeks of collective effort (reading a couple of some really good books not withstanding) seem to be paying off. Part of me is heart-broken that he's not my little baby any more. But a bigger part of me is absolutely thrilled. He's awesome. Makes me so proud.
Of course I have to make sure that the characters on the garment are either Thomas the Train or Mickey Mouse. Hehe.
Oh, yes, the book I recommend is called "Potty training your little boy".
:-)))
Of course I have to make sure that the characters on the garment are either Thomas the Train or Mickey Mouse. Hehe.
Oh, yes, the book I recommend is called "Potty training your little boy".
:-)))
Thursday, April 14, 2011
ToastMasters
For some strange reason, I always thought this was a silly hobby. What's the big deal about a group of people making speeches, I used to think. I used to do a ton of public speaking when I was in school. That was many many years ago, dammit. And I absolutely loved it. And then for another strange reason, I stopped doing it in college. Literally clammed up. Crazy. Realized recently that I need to hone my speaking skills, especially in front of large audiences. Need to learn to project in the right way, exude confidence, blah blah. And so along came Toastmasters. Bunch of folks on the team formed the club at work and I avoided it for a year. Again, for some unknown strange reason. Finally joined a couple of months ago. And I must say that I LOVE it! Its really a whole lot of fun. Its a very safe environment to try stuff, practise, get some good feedback and generally have fun. You get what you put into it, so when you prepare an actual speech and deliver it and get critiqued on it, you really get something back from it. Besides, its a fun group of folks.
Toastmasters is a really really huge organization with chapters all over the world. Was really amazed to learn how widespread and active it is.
Toastmasters is a really really huge organization with chapters all over the world. Was really amazed to learn how widespread and active it is.
Doing the right thing
It is times like this that validate you being the bigger person. Not that one should need the validation. But c'mon, we're all only human. And constant selflessness is a thing for saints. And so, when it really is about the survival of the fittest, doing the "right" thing is not always foremost on the agenda. Doing it for the sake of doing it, that is. Until you do it. The right thing, that is. And suddenly the feel good factor is almost indescribable.
Friday, April 08, 2011
N's favourite reads
As of April 2011, these are N's absolutely favourite reads...
- Fun at the Farm Elmo and friends
- My Oh My Oh Dinosaur
- Special Boat
- Jungle Book
- Grover's cute little baby animals
- The Old Alligator
- Hop on Pop
- Giggle, Giggle, Quack
- I Spot
- Cat in the Hat
He's a book lover. Can go on and on for hours. Especially at bed time. Have to finally drag him away to sleep.
- Fun at the Farm Elmo and friends
- My Oh My Oh Dinosaur
- Special Boat
- Jungle Book
- Grover's cute little baby animals
- The Old Alligator
- Hop on Pop
- Giggle, Giggle, Quack
- I Spot
- Cat in the Hat
He's a book lover. Can go on and on for hours. Especially at bed time. Have to finally drag him away to sleep.
Of checklists and endless planning
My mind is in over-drive. Absolutely abuzz - with to-do lists, doctor appointments, tons of things at work, making and ticking off from the travel list, and yes, countdown of days....couple of weeks now before the big trip.
Days and nights seem to overlap, blend into one, as I plan furiously. I'll admit. I'm a planner and a worry wart. But being prepared is more than half the battle, I believe.
I am managing to keep all my yoga appointments and classes, though. Feels awesome. So far, the year is on track. Things at work are getting interesting. JM leaving was a big blow. Lets see what happens by and by.
Waiting to see G and R together :)
Days and nights seem to overlap, blend into one, as I plan furiously. I'll admit. I'm a planner and a worry wart. But being prepared is more than half the battle, I believe.
I am managing to keep all my yoga appointments and classes, though. Feels awesome. So far, the year is on track. Things at work are getting interesting. JM leaving was a big blow. Lets see what happens by and by.
Waiting to see G and R together :)
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Victory!
It certainly was euphoric. Adrenaline pumping. Sweet victory. Joy! We cheered, and so did N!! He jumped and danced and clapped in glee. Happy because happiness surrounded him. He's such a people person :)
Sachin's dream, they said. How true. Also the dream of one billion people. Took me back to 1996 and the quarter finals between India and Pakistan. Only reason I wasnt in the stadium with everyone else was because I had my ISC Physics exam the next day and had to "study". Of course I spent the entire time watching the match on TV. What joy then!
This time though must have been more joyful and crazier (I definitely heard that it was). Wish I had been there.
MSD, the Man - too good!
Sachin's dream, they said. How true. Also the dream of one billion people. Took me back to 1996 and the quarter finals between India and Pakistan. Only reason I wasnt in the stadium with everyone else was because I had my ISC Physics exam the next day and had to "study". Of course I spent the entire time watching the match on TV. What joy then!
This time though must have been more joyful and crazier (I definitely heard that it was). Wish I had been there.
MSD, the Man - too good!
Siddarth
I met him a couple of months ago. I was looking for a very long time to do something in this space that is so close to my heart. For many reasons, I feel very strongly about visually impaired people, and especially children, and how they cope and learn and function in this world. In Bangalore, I supported and volunteered with Samarthanam for about two years. I read, transcribed, and helped children and students with their school/college course work and preparing for exams.
Samarthanam is a great organization with ambitious goals, and the drive and ability to meet those goals. It was founded by three blind friends who wanted to create a better facility for children who do not have the ability to see, something the rest of us take for granted. The main founder, Mahantesh is an incredibly guy. I have met him several times, and blindness is a total non-issue for him. He does not stop at anything. He travels the world to raise funds and support for Samarthanam. He has climbed Mt. Everest.
When I left Bangalore and came to the US, I looked around for something similar and found the Braille Institute in Los Angeles . I happily volunteered there for a year, although that was not with children, but with adults. When I moved to Virginia, for a few years, I got thoroughly busy with work, life and family. Then, when life began to settle down ever so slightly, and routine dictated predictable schedules, I started looking for options in the area. Much to my surprise I had to search a lot, and there were none that I could find in the vicinity. I could not travel as far as Maryland or DC, given time constraints.
And then I found Mcnair elementary school and Kathy Miller, the teacher for visually impaired students. She's awesome. And she introduced me to Siddarth. He's five years old, and he cannot see. Never has been able to. And I have been working with Kathy and Siddarth for the last ten weeks. In addition to blindness, Siddarth has some other neurological issue that affects how his brain has and is developing. Although he is five years old, he lacks the cognitive and developmental skills appropriate to a child of his age. He cannot read or write, yet. His speech is impaired. He has attention issues. And discipline issues. The biggest reason for that is that at home, his parents have allowed him to do whatever he wants all his life. They adjust their lives around him. They adjust their lifestyle around him, instead of it being the other way...instead of assimilating him into their regular lives and teaching him how to cope there.
Kathy has done a wonderful job with him for about 8 months now. He is learning. Very slowly, it seems like, but he is learning. And he knows who I am and has learnt to trust me. When I work with him, it is challenging, because he will not give his sustained attention to anything for more than a few seconds at a time. He does not have the natural curiosity of children to explore, to experiment, to learn. He is easily bored and then that quickly leads to disruptive behavior. It obviously takes an incredible amount of patience. Kathy has that. She's been doing this for thirty something years. I wonder at the dedication.
When I see Siddarth, and how incapable he is of functioning without constant adult supervision, I experience despairing moments when I wonder how he will be able to function in this world. Then I will myself to remember how resilient children are. And I look at the facilities he has access to here. And the dedication of the teachers. And I will myself to have faith.
I will continue going to Mcnair. Kathy and the classroom teacher are more than happy to have me help out. I hope I can make some small difference.
Kathy asked me when I met her why I was interested in doing this. Especially given I have so much else going on in my life. I asked myself that also. In the end, I think it is for several reasons. In part, it is because I am thankful for my own family's health and wellness. But it is also because, it is just not enough to count our blessings in this life. What do you give for what you have? I ask myself that every day.
Samarthanam is a great organization with ambitious goals, and the drive and ability to meet those goals. It was founded by three blind friends who wanted to create a better facility for children who do not have the ability to see, something the rest of us take for granted. The main founder, Mahantesh is an incredibly guy. I have met him several times, and blindness is a total non-issue for him. He does not stop at anything. He travels the world to raise funds and support for Samarthanam. He has climbed Mt. Everest.
When I left Bangalore and came to the US, I looked around for something similar and found the Braille Institute in Los Angeles . I happily volunteered there for a year, although that was not with children, but with adults. When I moved to Virginia, for a few years, I got thoroughly busy with work, life and family. Then, when life began to settle down ever so slightly, and routine dictated predictable schedules, I started looking for options in the area. Much to my surprise I had to search a lot, and there were none that I could find in the vicinity. I could not travel as far as Maryland or DC, given time constraints.
And then I found Mcnair elementary school and Kathy Miller, the teacher for visually impaired students. She's awesome. And she introduced me to Siddarth. He's five years old, and he cannot see. Never has been able to. And I have been working with Kathy and Siddarth for the last ten weeks. In addition to blindness, Siddarth has some other neurological issue that affects how his brain has and is developing. Although he is five years old, he lacks the cognitive and developmental skills appropriate to a child of his age. He cannot read or write, yet. His speech is impaired. He has attention issues. And discipline issues. The biggest reason for that is that at home, his parents have allowed him to do whatever he wants all his life. They adjust their lives around him. They adjust their lifestyle around him, instead of it being the other way...instead of assimilating him into their regular lives and teaching him how to cope there.
Kathy has done a wonderful job with him for about 8 months now. He is learning. Very slowly, it seems like, but he is learning. And he knows who I am and has learnt to trust me. When I work with him, it is challenging, because he will not give his sustained attention to anything for more than a few seconds at a time. He does not have the natural curiosity of children to explore, to experiment, to learn. He is easily bored and then that quickly leads to disruptive behavior. It obviously takes an incredible amount of patience. Kathy has that. She's been doing this for thirty something years. I wonder at the dedication.
When I see Siddarth, and how incapable he is of functioning without constant adult supervision, I experience despairing moments when I wonder how he will be able to function in this world. Then I will myself to remember how resilient children are. And I look at the facilities he has access to here. And the dedication of the teachers. And I will myself to have faith.
I will continue going to Mcnair. Kathy and the classroom teacher are more than happy to have me help out. I hope I can make some small difference.
Kathy asked me when I met her why I was interested in doing this. Especially given I have so much else going on in my life. I asked myself that also. In the end, I think it is for several reasons. In part, it is because I am thankful for my own family's health and wellness. But it is also because, it is just not enough to count our blessings in this life. What do you give for what you have? I ask myself that every day.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
My boy
He is the child who looks out for his friends. As his teacher, she has seen him do that many times. In fact, he is the only child in the class who does that. When any of the kids in the class is crying, he will run upto them and give them a hug, or take a tissue for them to wipe their tears. When a parent is dropping off their child, and the child begins to cry, he will stand by and wait tentatively. When the parent leaves, he will give the child a big hug. And a tissue to wipe their tears. He is the only child that does that.
I have not seen this happen, because I'm not there when it does. But I am so, so grateful to Agata for telling me this.
And when she did, I could not stop my own tears...if this is not pure innocence, then what is? If this is not sensitivity, and humanity, and empathy in its most raw, pure and selfless form, then what is?
Teary-eyed as I am when I write this, my heart is swelling with joy and pride and something else that I cannot quite describe.
I have not seen this happen, because I'm not there when it does. But I am so, so grateful to Agata for telling me this.
And when she did, I could not stop my own tears...if this is not pure innocence, then what is? If this is not sensitivity, and humanity, and empathy in its most raw, pure and selfless form, then what is?
Teary-eyed as I am when I write this, my heart is swelling with joy and pride and something else that I cannot quite describe.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Values
What are the values you live by? The ones you instinctively trust? The ones you want to define your actions with? These will create the purpose you need to live every day, to get that one foot in front of the other when the chips are down. These will motivate you when you awaken each morning. And these will give you a sense of peace, that the day was lived the way you wanted, when you go to bed each night.
For if you dont define to yourself what your values are, you have nothing. You have no purpose, you have no spirit, you have nothing.
Taking a few moments to remind yourself of your values every now and then is the best service you can do yourself.
What are your values? When your life has come to pass, will you be able to say you knew all along what they were, and that your life was lived by them?
What are your values? Clarify them before its too late, before the years have rolled by, and the regrets have rolled in.
What are your values? And how will you pass them along to what matters the most - your children?
Take a moment to think about it.
For if you dont define to yourself what your values are, you have nothing. You have no purpose, you have no spirit, you have nothing.
Taking a few moments to remind yourself of your values every now and then is the best service you can do yourself.
What are your values? When your life has come to pass, will you be able to say you knew all along what they were, and that your life was lived by them?
What are your values? Clarify them before its too late, before the years have rolled by, and the regrets have rolled in.
What are your values? And how will you pass them along to what matters the most - your children?
Take a moment to think about it.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Spring
Spring is in the air. Hard to believe from the still obstinately low temperatures, but it sure is in the air. And on the trees. Yes, the blossoms are surfacing, and as usual, it is amazing. For the sixth year in a row, we drove into the Capital to see the cherry blossoms, and they did not disappoint. The peak bloom is still a few days away, so shall see if we can do it one evening during the week. Maybe take off from work early, pick up N and drive into DC.
Any such outing with N is still fairly stressful as he's not old enough yet to fully understand what we intent to do. And as usual, everything has to be well planned, and in advance. Wonder when I can go back to the days where I did not have to plan every single thing, think several hours, if not days ahead at a time. Maybe never again.
In any case, it was not too bad overall. It was still cold, but we were all bundled up well, and we did manage to enjoy the sunshine, the flowers and the gorgeous views of the Tidal Basin.
Reminded me again what a beautiful city DC is.
Any such outing with N is still fairly stressful as he's not old enough yet to fully understand what we intent to do. And as usual, everything has to be well planned, and in advance. Wonder when I can go back to the days where I did not have to plan every single thing, think several hours, if not days ahead at a time. Maybe never again.
In any case, it was not too bad overall. It was still cold, but we were all bundled up well, and we did manage to enjoy the sunshine, the flowers and the gorgeous views of the Tidal Basin.
Reminded me again what a beautiful city DC is.
JM
Not taking the news that he's leaving at all well. Sucks. Super sucks, actually. But this, is exactly how life is. Unexpected and full of change. Especially the changes that you don't want. Ever want. Sigh.
JM - the best thing that ever happened to me in COF. Best thing for my career, my team, my role. Unbelievable guy. He's 2 years older than I am, and he's VP of Stats and DAs for all of Card. And I know how long it takes for an average person to get to VP in Card. The other VP's are at least ten years older than he is, if not more. Super achiever. But that's not why I think he's unbelievable. He's the best people manager, leader, visionary, transformer that I have ever come across. He oozes authenticity, and confidence. He's the best boss one could have (well for me, boss's boss's boss). The past three years on the team have been incredible. At times, its been tolerable because of him. And not just for me.
And now he's onto his next super-star opportunity. After twelve years at COF. That's a third of his life. I wish him only the very very best. Maybe someday I will get to work for him again. When I went to his office to say goodbye, he alluded to that. Its a small world, he said. Easy enough to bump into each other sometime, somewhere. I hope that happens. I know I will miss him.
JM, thanks (no, really) for everything.
JM - the best thing that ever happened to me in COF. Best thing for my career, my team, my role. Unbelievable guy. He's 2 years older than I am, and he's VP of Stats and DAs for all of Card. And I know how long it takes for an average person to get to VP in Card. The other VP's are at least ten years older than he is, if not more. Super achiever. But that's not why I think he's unbelievable. He's the best people manager, leader, visionary, transformer that I have ever come across. He oozes authenticity, and confidence. He's the best boss one could have (well for me, boss's boss's boss). The past three years on the team have been incredible. At times, its been tolerable because of him. And not just for me.
And now he's onto his next super-star opportunity. After twelve years at COF. That's a third of his life. I wish him only the very very best. Maybe someday I will get to work for him again. When I went to his office to say goodbye, he alluded to that. Its a small world, he said. Easy enough to bump into each other sometime, somewhere. I hope that happens. I know I will miss him.
JM, thanks (no, really) for everything.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Did it!
Really thought my student days were way way in the past. Indeed, its been 5 years since I gave my last major exam. Until last week. For four days I sat through an intensive class, from 8 AM to 6 PM, and then back home. Played with N for a bit, followed by his dinner, bath and bed time. Then homework and practice tests for about an hour and half. Then crashed into bed to get as much rest as possible before repeating it all over again the next day. Fair to say I was fairly strung out towards the end. However, I was as prepared as I could be on the morning of the 5th day, and, yes, I passed! Got the certification, very happy to say!!
Been meaning to do this for a while, and it had taken a backseat due to more pressing priorities. This time, though - I set the goal. Decided to just go for it. Got the time off from work, got COF to pay the pretty hefty fee, and found the will power to commit to doing it.
But the most important and amazing thing that made it even possible was P and N's co-operation, support and collaboration. I am one lucky, lucky gal. For sure.
Been meaning to do this for a while, and it had taken a backseat due to more pressing priorities. This time, though - I set the goal. Decided to just go for it. Got the time off from work, got COF to pay the pretty hefty fee, and found the will power to commit to doing it.
But the most important and amazing thing that made it even possible was P and N's co-operation, support and collaboration. I am one lucky, lucky gal. For sure.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Antidote
What shall be the antidote to anxiety, and angst?
Shall it be your smile, and your laughter?
What shall be the antidote to fear, and doubt?
Shall it be your voice, and your words?
What shall be the antidote to restlessness, and stress?
Shall it be your happiness, and your amazing ability to live in the moment?
Yes, I rather think it shall.
Shall it be your smile, and your laughter?
What shall be the antidote to fear, and doubt?
Shall it be your voice, and your words?
What shall be the antidote to restlessness, and stress?
Shall it be your happiness, and your amazing ability to live in the moment?
Yes, I rather think it shall.
Control our lives?
Is not each of us in control of our lives? It is true. We are. So many times, we feel like we have no control over how things shape up. So many times, we feel like we are losing control, that things spiral out of control. It is easy to fall into that trap, though. Yes, there are times when things don't happen the way we want or plan. There are times when we don't have a say in how something turns out. However, it is a mistake to think that in aggregate, we have little control over our life and the course it takes. Come on, really now? Take a look around you. There are thousands - no - millions, of people who actually do not have any control over their life. They don't have a say, they don't have a choice. They don't have freedom, or the luxury to question, to even think that it is possible that their life could be or should be any different. Makes me think - what moment of randomness deigned me to be who I am, where I am...such that I am able to live my life.
So anyway, you and I? We are in control. We have control. We just like to think - way more often than we should- that we don't have control. That we are helpless victims of destiny. That there is nothing to do but come to terms with the fact that we don't control our life.
Its crazy, really. So easy to fall into that trap. And so difficult to admit to ourselves, that we are really in charge of what happens in our life. So difficult to accept, and so difficult to take responsibility for how things have come to be. For how we have made them happen to be.
So anyway, you and I? We are in control. We have control. We just like to think - way more often than we should- that we don't have control. That we are helpless victims of destiny. That there is nothing to do but come to terms with the fact that we don't control our life.
Its crazy, really. So easy to fall into that trap. And so difficult to admit to ourselves, that we are really in charge of what happens in our life. So difficult to accept, and so difficult to take responsibility for how things have come to be. For how we have made them happen to be.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
How much to reveal?
How much do you reveal about your self? Obviously, the way you relate to people is totally dependent on the situation and circumstance. You deal with people at work. Then of course there is immediate family, extended family, friends, acquaintences. And finally random strangers you come across.
How much of yourself do you reveal to each of them? One important category of people are your colleagues. Team mates, direct reports, managers, and senior executives. There are meetings and forums of all sorts and types. Varies settings. Numerous opportunities to speak up and speak out. Question is - how much do you reveal about yourself in these settings?
I got some feedback at work that I dont do this. And that sometimes it is necessary. I try to keep things at work about work. I am fairly gaurded about what I say about my personal life. When I listened to the feedback, I understood the point of it, though. After a while it becomes important to relate to people on a personal level. Even at work. Even in a professional setting. The key is to do it safely and maturely. That's when the connection with people grows stronger. So, I got the feedback and am taking it to see if I can change anything.
However, that got me thinking to how I operate in general. Even outside work, I am fairly guarded about what I reveal about myself. I began to question that. Why do I do that? I see people around me who have absoultely no qualms about talking about any aspects about their lives to a wide and diverse audience. Just log into Facebook and there is more than ample evidence of this. Truth is, I'm a little repelled by that. How can you talk about intimate things about your life to random people? People upload information and photos like nobody's business. About their lives, their vacations, their kids!!
I dont understand it. However, that is entirely their business. They seem to be adults who should know how it works. The point for me though, is that the disinclination I have to reveal things also permeates others facets of my life, I think. In general, some people have told me on and off that I just keep my cards so close to my chest. It is true. I dont share what I dont feel like sharing. What I feel is not really anybody's business but my own. Even with family, even with friends, I am reluctant to let everything be known. Why, though. Am I afraid of getting too close? What's wrong with that? Or is it just the cynical me who has tried to do this and then realized that the way the world works is that somehow you end up paying some sort of price for that...and that is has happened enough number of times for you to decide to clam up once and for all....
Anyway, seems like I am rambling on. I have noted this point seriously enough though. I need to work on what and how much I can change about this. In a way that still makes me feel safe. Its important to not be too closed up. Its important to let people (as much as it makes sense) know things about you from time to time. I get that.
How much of yourself do you reveal to each of them? One important category of people are your colleagues. Team mates, direct reports, managers, and senior executives. There are meetings and forums of all sorts and types. Varies settings. Numerous opportunities to speak up and speak out. Question is - how much do you reveal about yourself in these settings?
I got some feedback at work that I dont do this. And that sometimes it is necessary. I try to keep things at work about work. I am fairly gaurded about what I say about my personal life. When I listened to the feedback, I understood the point of it, though. After a while it becomes important to relate to people on a personal level. Even at work. Even in a professional setting. The key is to do it safely and maturely. That's when the connection with people grows stronger. So, I got the feedback and am taking it to see if I can change anything.
However, that got me thinking to how I operate in general. Even outside work, I am fairly guarded about what I reveal about myself. I began to question that. Why do I do that? I see people around me who have absoultely no qualms about talking about any aspects about their lives to a wide and diverse audience. Just log into Facebook and there is more than ample evidence of this. Truth is, I'm a little repelled by that. How can you talk about intimate things about your life to random people? People upload information and photos like nobody's business. About their lives, their vacations, their kids!!
I dont understand it. However, that is entirely their business. They seem to be adults who should know how it works. The point for me though, is that the disinclination I have to reveal things also permeates others facets of my life, I think. In general, some people have told me on and off that I just keep my cards so close to my chest. It is true. I dont share what I dont feel like sharing. What I feel is not really anybody's business but my own. Even with family, even with friends, I am reluctant to let everything be known. Why, though. Am I afraid of getting too close? What's wrong with that? Or is it just the cynical me who has tried to do this and then realized that the way the world works is that somehow you end up paying some sort of price for that...and that is has happened enough number of times for you to decide to clam up once and for all....
Anyway, seems like I am rambling on. I have noted this point seriously enough though. I need to work on what and how much I can change about this. In a way that still makes me feel safe. Its important to not be too closed up. Its important to let people (as much as it makes sense) know things about you from time to time. I get that.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Just do It
If you want to do something - just do it. That's it. Just go ahead and do it. The time for excuses is over. The need for over-analyses is done with. The same old fears and doubts must be thwarted. The habit of procrastination must be crushed. Once and for all.
I have applied this to three things starting beginning of this year. And all three have worked out great. I need to continue to focus, continue to invest to see that it comes through. Beginning is only half the battle. But I have begun. And that's the important part.
So, if you've been wanting to do something, and you wanted it really bad - just push yourself and go do it. You might just be surprised by how well it goes.
I have applied this to three things starting beginning of this year. And all three have worked out great. I need to continue to focus, continue to invest to see that it comes through. Beginning is only half the battle. But I have begun. And that's the important part.
So, if you've been wanting to do something, and you wanted it really bad - just push yourself and go do it. You might just be surprised by how well it goes.
Of mentors and whizzing time
Its just amazing when I stop to think about it - how time just flies by. Whizzes by. I have a mentor at work. He's a very senior guy and someone I respected from the first day that I met him. The way he applies himself at work, manages a team, creates value, and develops relationships with people on the team is just inspiring. I want to learn from him. And also just use him as a sounding board for ideas and thoughts on the progress I want to make in my career. So, I asked him to be a mentor. He readily agreed. He is currently mentoring some ten or so folks across various teams. Obviously a sought after person. I am glad that he's making the time to talk to me. Every three weeks. After each conversation, I leave feeling energized, and more engaged in the investment that is my career. Each time I meet him, I realize another three weeks has just flown by. Again. Just incredible.
Thanks GP for your time.
Thanks GP for your time.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
More on relationships...
Yes, I'm probably seriously harping on this, but its hitting me over and over again these days. Relationships. How these turn out, as time goes by. There are good ones, and great ones, and strained ones, formal ones, energizing ones, superfluous ones...and then there are the ones that define who you are. The ones that are at the core of your existence, really.
Then there are ones that sustain you. Ones you cannot do without.
And also, there are ones that no matter what you invest in, or think you should invest in - that always leave you holding the short end of the stick. So, what you have to do there, is to let it go, and move on. Some things are not worth it, and no matter how you try, there is no justification for how things turn out. The world does not operate by your sense of what is right and what is wrong. Tough pill to swallow, but there you have it.
Bottom line - cherish the relationships that bring you positivity - perhaps as energy, peace, love, friendship, joy...
And forget about the ones that don't. Move on. They're not worth it.
Then there are ones that sustain you. Ones you cannot do without.
And also, there are ones that no matter what you invest in, or think you should invest in - that always leave you holding the short end of the stick. So, what you have to do there, is to let it go, and move on. Some things are not worth it, and no matter how you try, there is no justification for how things turn out. The world does not operate by your sense of what is right and what is wrong. Tough pill to swallow, but there you have it.
Bottom line - cherish the relationships that bring you positivity - perhaps as energy, peace, love, friendship, joy...
And forget about the ones that don't. Move on. They're not worth it.
What matters...
Things in your life will come and go. How you deal with these is not relevant in the grander scheme of things. What ultimately matters, are the relationships closest to you. In the end, the very end, those are what you will remember, and those are what will be your legacy...
Friday, February 18, 2011
What an amazing week its been
A really amazing week is moving along and coming to a close. Well, at least the weekday part of it anyway. What a week its been. So much got done. And so much more to be done. I think I lived on sheer adrenaline the whole time.
Today I am going to the school, to meet the student and the teacher. Lets see what happens. I have been looking forward to this day for a long while. And then there is yoga after that. Perfect way to unwind after the week, and yet be energized at the same time.
The weather is simply perfect these days. Making sure we spend all the time outdoors that we can. N is just loving it. He can spend infinite amounts of time at the playground. Ah, childhood....and yet, I love spending all that amount of time there with him...
Life really is too short. I want to remember all my blessings, and I have many. I will do what I have to do, and just try to live the moment to the fullest...
Today I am going to the school, to meet the student and the teacher. Lets see what happens. I have been looking forward to this day for a long while. And then there is yoga after that. Perfect way to unwind after the week, and yet be energized at the same time.
The weather is simply perfect these days. Making sure we spend all the time outdoors that we can. N is just loving it. He can spend infinite amounts of time at the playground. Ah, childhood....and yet, I love spending all that amount of time there with him...
Life really is too short. I want to remember all my blessings, and I have many. I will do what I have to do, and just try to live the moment to the fullest...
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday morning (Sunday evening) blues?
It's going to be a long week. A really long week. It's that feeling you wake up with on Monday morning. In fact, it starts on Sunday evening. After N went to bed last night, I started organizing how my Monday would go in my mind, and of course my calendar. My brain is buzzing with the list of things to be done. Much is on the list. For work as well as outside. A day of travel also included. And of course there is the exam. It's time to start preparing in earnest for it.
It's going to be a long week. Best to go into it head-long, and knowing it.
Happy Valentine's Day to all.
It's going to be a long week. Best to go into it head-long, and knowing it.
Happy Valentine's Day to all.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Skiing down the Mountain
Proved to myself (again) that I am not beyond trying something completely new...and seemingly risky. I am proud of myself, seriously. How often it is easy to take the easy way out, look for that path of least resistance. I am just glad that I have the willpower to fight that inertia, and step out of that comfort zone. And learn something new. Just like that.
Yep - went skiing and hit the slopes on Friday. With COF jantha. Most of them hit the advanced slopes, coz that's what they are - advanced skiers and snow-boarders. Me, a total novice. A few years ago, I tried my hand at snow-boarding and had a rather hard time staying off my back-side. It was tough, and I did not learn properly. I should have. I let the pain dominate over resolve. Anyway, that was then.
This time, I decided to brave it out and learn to ski. So, I signed up for a lesson. Wanted to learn the basics. So, there I was, all geared up (unbelievably heavy those boots are, damn it!) and ski-d up, and ready to go. Of course, even with the instructor's guidance I fell. Many, many times. This stuff is not easy. And it is painful. And if you are not careful how you fall, you can hurt yourself really bad. That's solid packed ice out there.
What I am proud of though, is that I didn't give up. I almost did, mind you. But I kept at it. A little over an hour of really trying, and I finally started to get the hang of it. I finally started to master the baby slopes. I made a few complete runs down without falling. The intermediate slopes were a little more challenging. For a true beginner such as myself, its scary not having control when you start zipping down. The only way to slow down or stop is to turn your skis and make a turn. And that is really the key thing to master. And it is super difficult until you get it. Like cycling. The problem is, each time you fall, it really hurts, and then you have to take off a ski to be able to stand up. Then you have to put it back on. And that's challenging because you are on a slippery slope. And finally when that's done, you have to start again. You end up using muscles you never knew existed to try to keep your balance.
Several hours later, I got back on the bus aching all over. I knew the next 2 days were going to be super painful. However, it felt great that I had made the attempt to learn something. And that I actually did. Now I just need to go back again and practise.
To-Do Item # X - learn to ski - Check.
Yep - went skiing and hit the slopes on Friday. With COF jantha. Most of them hit the advanced slopes, coz that's what they are - advanced skiers and snow-boarders. Me, a total novice. A few years ago, I tried my hand at snow-boarding and had a rather hard time staying off my back-side. It was tough, and I did not learn properly. I should have. I let the pain dominate over resolve. Anyway, that was then.
This time, I decided to brave it out and learn to ski. So, I signed up for a lesson. Wanted to learn the basics. So, there I was, all geared up (unbelievably heavy those boots are, damn it!) and ski-d up, and ready to go. Of course, even with the instructor's guidance I fell. Many, many times. This stuff is not easy. And it is painful. And if you are not careful how you fall, you can hurt yourself really bad. That's solid packed ice out there.
What I am proud of though, is that I didn't give up. I almost did, mind you. But I kept at it. A little over an hour of really trying, and I finally started to get the hang of it. I finally started to master the baby slopes. I made a few complete runs down without falling. The intermediate slopes were a little more challenging. For a true beginner such as myself, its scary not having control when you start zipping down. The only way to slow down or stop is to turn your skis and make a turn. And that is really the key thing to master. And it is super difficult until you get it. Like cycling. The problem is, each time you fall, it really hurts, and then you have to take off a ski to be able to stand up. Then you have to put it back on. And that's challenging because you are on a slippery slope. And finally when that's done, you have to start again. You end up using muscles you never knew existed to try to keep your balance.
Several hours later, I got back on the bus aching all over. I knew the next 2 days were going to be super painful. However, it felt great that I had made the attempt to learn something. And that I actually did. Now I just need to go back again and practise.
To-Do Item # X - learn to ski - Check.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Taking another chance....
Do you quit while you are ahead? Or do you take that chance once more...just once more, you tell yourself. But, you have the benefit of past performance. You have the wealth of historical data. Should you use that to project into the future? Should you use that to extrapolate the future end-state? You already know the down-side....so, is taking the chance worth the upside?
How do you make these really difficult decisions? It is a choice, ultimately is it not? And the choice is all yours. Should you be like that software program on standardized tests that tailors future questions based on correctness of answers to current questions? Should you even bother to be that analytical in the first place? Are these life choices meant to be handled in a completely different way? With the heart and not the mind?
Do you quit while you are still ahead....or do you take that one last chance....because it makes sense in your heart.....
How do you make these really difficult decisions? It is a choice, ultimately is it not? And the choice is all yours. Should you be like that software program on standardized tests that tailors future questions based on correctness of answers to current questions? Should you even bother to be that analytical in the first place? Are these life choices meant to be handled in a completely different way? With the heart and not the mind?
Do you quit while you are still ahead....or do you take that one last chance....because it makes sense in your heart.....
Monday, February 07, 2011
Inception
Finally watched it on Netflix yesterday. Clearly, I am beyond late to this party. But that is how it is these days. In any case, I loved it. Clearly superior script writing and plot. Superb acting by Caprio and gang. Chris Nolan delivers once again, just like he did with Memento and Dark Knight, etc.
Somebody please just answer one question - its obvious (or is it?) that in the end (and here I un-ashamedly throw in a SPOILER ALERT), Cobb is dreaming about finally landing in LA and meeting his kids. But, the question is, is he dreaming it in the 4th level where he is in "limbo" with Saito? I think so.
Disagree? Tell me why....
Somebody please just answer one question - its obvious (or is it?) that in the end (and here I un-ashamedly throw in a SPOILER ALERT), Cobb is dreaming about finally landing in LA and meeting his kids. But, the question is, is he dreaming it in the 4th level where he is in "limbo" with Saito? I think so.
Disagree? Tell me why....
Relationships
As you go through life, it is amazing how some key relationships work out. In your younger days you have very set notions, you assume that these relationships will be a certain way for always. And then you get pleasant shocks as you go through, grow through life. And sometime rude shocks. Very rude shocks. But this is the reality of relationships. And some of them, the ones you depended on in those younger, more naive days - the ones that you thought would be the ones to sustain you as you went along - those are the ones that end up being the most disappointing. Sometimes gut-wrenchingly so. Suddenly one day you wake up and realize that you have changed, they have changed, almost everything about the relationship itself has changed. It is symbiotic no more. It is energizing no more. And it is nurturing no more. And yet you have to invest at least the bare minimum in it. Because that is how the world works.
For me, I have had some life altering realizations in these last couple of years. As far as relationships are concerned, that is. I have had eye-opening moments when I have realized which should be the key relationships in my life, and which ones end up being more investment than any kind of positive return. My world-view has changed. Mostly for the better. But sometimes, my heart has been broken. Not because I am not strong enough to handle it, or that it is the end of anything. Not at all. On the contrary, I have gained almost as much as I have lost. My pillars are still in place. I am heart-broken because these are the relationships I thought would be the most important ones that I would have in this phase of my life. Well, anyway, life does not work that way. Any naivete you had about these things when you were younger and less worldly-wise is appropriately dismissed by life's reality.
In any case, I am just thankful for all the positive relationships in my life. I am fortunate for what I do have and that is what I will invest in.
For me, I have had some life altering realizations in these last couple of years. As far as relationships are concerned, that is. I have had eye-opening moments when I have realized which should be the key relationships in my life, and which ones end up being more investment than any kind of positive return. My world-view has changed. Mostly for the better. But sometimes, my heart has been broken. Not because I am not strong enough to handle it, or that it is the end of anything. Not at all. On the contrary, I have gained almost as much as I have lost. My pillars are still in place. I am heart-broken because these are the relationships I thought would be the most important ones that I would have in this phase of my life. Well, anyway, life does not work that way. Any naivete you had about these things when you were younger and less worldly-wise is appropriately dismissed by life's reality.
In any case, I am just thankful for all the positive relationships in my life. I am fortunate for what I do have and that is what I will invest in.
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Soulmate
Who is your soulmate?
Is it the one who knows you like you know yourself....
Is it the one you think of in the midst of every random thought....
Is it the one who understands you when you need to be understood...
Is it the one who sings a love song in your dreams....
Is it the one you turn to when your mind is troubled....
Is it the one you want to share your joy with...
Is it the one who gives you forgiveness when you need it...
Is it the one who comforts you when you hurt...
Is it someone fate destined you to meet...
Is it someone who is more than a memory...
Who is your soulmate?
Is it the one who knows you like you know yourself....
Is it the one you think of in the midst of every random thought....
Is it the one who understands you when you need to be understood...
Is it the one who sings a love song in your dreams....
Is it the one you turn to when your mind is troubled....
Is it the one you want to share your joy with...
Is it the one who gives you forgiveness when you need it...
Is it the one who comforts you when you hurt...
Is it someone fate destined you to meet...
Is it someone who is more than a memory...
Who is your soulmate?
Mistakes
It is BETTER
to make a mistake and then realize the folly of your way and make amends...
THAN
to make a mistake and know it and yet be so full of ego that you carry on without a care for the havoc you created...
THAN
to make a mistake and not even realize it...
THAN
to not ever make a mistake at all...
...Because....
you are only human...and that is the way you grow and learn...
that....always...you have miles and miles to go...
to make a mistake and then realize the folly of your way and make amends...
THAN
to make a mistake and know it and yet be so full of ego that you carry on without a care for the havoc you created...
THAN
to make a mistake and not even realize it...
THAN
to not ever make a mistake at all...
...Because....
you are only human...and that is the way you grow and learn...
that....always...you have miles and miles to go...
Friday, February 04, 2011
Where has the humour gone....
I used to like writing humorous stuff. I liked to put a funny twist on things I wrote. I look through all the recent posts, and almost none of them fits into that category....why, I wonder? Have I made some kind of sub-conscious choice? Seriousness seems to be the over-riding theme. Why, though... Then again, is it a reflection on the way I have grown and the way I function in the demanding framework that is my life these days....what would it take - to be light-hearted and funny, to laugh at myself...
Should life be taken that seriously, anyways? Hmmm.....
Should life be taken that seriously, anyways? Hmmm.....
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Long but good days....
Packing in solidly productive days these days. And the best part is its completely balanced. Definitely feels good, and rewarding. My to-do lists are getting checked off. I wake up in the morning with a sense of intent, sense of purpose. And at the end of a really long day, I reflect that much has gotten accomplished. Much to my satisfaction. Do not under-estimate the effort though. It takes a lot of careful planning, and especially careful planning to make sure that the balance remains - between work, and home and N and friends and family and yes - me. Yes, planning and teamwork. And yoga. And the sound of sweet, innocent, pure and unadultrated laughter for inspiration. Only way to make it work....
Goals for 2011? Yes, I do have some of them mapped out. Trying to phase them out. Seems to be working so far. Let's see what happens by and by.
There really is no better feeling than being productive, in good ways. Makes the exhaustion completely worth it.
Goals for 2011? Yes, I do have some of them mapped out. Trying to phase them out. Seems to be working so far. Let's see what happens by and by.
There really is no better feeling than being productive, in good ways. Makes the exhaustion completely worth it.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
People and Change
The one thing I have realized is an absolute truth is that you cannot change people. Adults, that is. You somehow think that if you stress enough, or that because the way you feel is justified, somehow you are entitled to them having to change for you. Forget about even you sometimes. You just think and hope that somehow, someday those people will change. For your peace of mind. Or for the greater good.
Fact is though, that that is never going to happen. I'm convinced that "never say never" is not even an option here. Not by a long shot. People will continue to be what they are and who they are. They will continue being how they are to you, and with you. Trying to change that, or thinking that somehow you can, is a complete waste of time and energy - both of which are rather precious resources better spent on yourself instead. People in general are too egoistic or self-centred (apologize for the cynical stand here) to change for anyone.
Not liking that or them because of that, is totally and completely only your problem.
Fact is though, that that is never going to happen. I'm convinced that "never say never" is not even an option here. Not by a long shot. People will continue to be what they are and who they are. They will continue being how they are to you, and with you. Trying to change that, or thinking that somehow you can, is a complete waste of time and energy - both of which are rather precious resources better spent on yourself instead. People in general are too egoistic or self-centred (apologize for the cynical stand here) to change for anyone.
Not liking that or them because of that, is totally and completely only your problem.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Time is flying...
Can you believe its the last day of January? A whole month in 2011 has already passed. Where has the time gone? Comes Monday...and before you know it Friday is here, and the weekend is even more jam-packed, and then its Monday all over again.
I look outside the window and see all the snow from last week's storm. Another month and we should start stepping out of this winter. Can't wait.
N is delighting us with his chatter these days. I spilt a couple of drops of his cereal this morning during breakfast and he looks at me and says "Chair-pool Mamma, chair-pool" ("Careful, Mamma, careful" - these days I am constantly telling him to be careful when he's monkeying around)!
:-D
I look outside the window and see all the snow from last week's storm. Another month and we should start stepping out of this winter. Can't wait.
N is delighting us with his chatter these days. I spilt a couple of drops of his cereal this morning during breakfast and he looks at me and says "Chair-pool Mamma, chair-pool" ("Careful, Mamma, careful" - these days I am constantly telling him to be careful when he's monkeying around)!
:-D
Friday, January 28, 2011
How will you be great today?
How will you be inspired today?
How will you be productive today?
What will you do to know the time was well spent...?
The will to be deliberate, to put the good health you have to good use. The fortune of a discerning thought process, the ability to make something worthwhile of your time and energy....you are way ahead of a sweeping percentage of the population because of just who you are.....use it...for a purpose, whatever that may be.
Think about it when you wake up in the morning....how will you be great today?
How will you be productive today?
What will you do to know the time was well spent...?
The will to be deliberate, to put the good health you have to good use. The fortune of a discerning thought process, the ability to make something worthwhile of your time and energy....you are way ahead of a sweeping percentage of the population because of just who you are.....use it...for a purpose, whatever that may be.
Think about it when you wake up in the morning....how will you be great today?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Negativity, arghh
Nothing puts me off as much as negativity and pessimism from interactions with people. Such people drain me of energy so quickly that I wish with all my heart that I had not even interacted with them in the first place. The length of the interaction is immaterial. A couple of minutes is all it takes sometimes for me to get super pissed off. I have to will myself to let the negativity in through one ear and right out through the other. Why do people do this to others? Granted different people have different things going on in their lives, and granted that different people have different ways of dealing with their issues. But how can they assume that being negative with others, about others, and to others will help them in any possible way???? Nothing comes out of being negative people!!
And just to clarify - there is a difference between having a bad day or a bad week, and letting off steam or looking for solutions and help AND complaining and whining all the time. OK, so life is not fair (if the problem is really "life" and not all the choices you made in the first place). But really, is being negative all the time going to get you anything?
Of course, at the other extreme are people who are striving every second to be optimistic. Its pathetic to see the forced cheer, false positivism, and fake enthusiasm spewing forth. Ask them how they have been, and the answer is a loud, over-amplified "FANTASTIC". Which is also fine once in a while, but not every single time, every single day. These people are always "on top of things", "having a great day", or "kicking butt" at whatever they are doing. Come on, seriously?? Just because they are constantly announcing how great they are, does not at ALL mean that they are.
I for one, do not like spending too much time with either category. All of us have to be more balanced. Be more positive in your thoughts and actions. But throw in a generous doses of reality into life's issues. And for heaven's sake, do not be negative all the time - with yourself or with others. Because pretty soon, they will not want you to bring them down every time you talk to them. And they will just find reasons to stay out of your way.
And just to clarify - there is a difference between having a bad day or a bad week, and letting off steam or looking for solutions and help AND complaining and whining all the time. OK, so life is not fair (if the problem is really "life" and not all the choices you made in the first place). But really, is being negative all the time going to get you anything?
Of course, at the other extreme are people who are striving every second to be optimistic. Its pathetic to see the forced cheer, false positivism, and fake enthusiasm spewing forth. Ask them how they have been, and the answer is a loud, over-amplified "FANTASTIC". Which is also fine once in a while, but not every single time, every single day. These people are always "on top of things", "having a great day", or "kicking butt" at whatever they are doing. Come on, seriously?? Just because they are constantly announcing how great they are, does not at ALL mean that they are.
I for one, do not like spending too much time with either category. All of us have to be more balanced. Be more positive in your thoughts and actions. But throw in a generous doses of reality into life's issues. And for heaven's sake, do not be negative all the time - with yourself or with others. Because pretty soon, they will not want you to bring them down every time you talk to them. And they will just find reasons to stay out of your way.
Happy Republic Day
Happy Republic Day to all. Memories: celebrating in school. We always had a holiday, but I was a girl guide, and in the NCC after that and so we always attended early in the morning, all smart and alert in our ironed uniforms. we did the drill, and some chief guest would hoist the flag, we would sing the anthem, and someone distributed sweets and we ate them and went back home to joyously spend the rest of the holiday.
after those school years, the colony always had a flag hoisting ceremony in one of the empty plots. i would be surprised, but most of the colony jantha would actually show up for this and the Independence Day ceremony. Some local politician would show up, give a speech. Some appointed resident would sing some songs (I think one year it was me and someone else, if I recall, and we sang some desh-bhakthi song, it turned out pretty well). Then the national anthem of course, after flag hoisting. Sweets distributed and we went back home. Last year, we were back home. Parents were attending the flag hoisting, and they ended up taking N with them. Moi decided to catch up on some much needed sleep. So off N went with his grandparents for the ceremony. Apparently he was a very good boy there. I'll bet he had a total blast (as he did with everything on that trip).
And then, the residents association plans a get-together in the evening with programs from the colony kids...the usual songs, dances, skits, etc...some adults also take part. Followed by dinner. Good way for the neighbours to meet up and socialize. Good opportunity for the kids to show case their talents. One year, G and I did a few pop numbers. I belted away the songs and G accompanied on the guitar. Good stuff.
Anyway, I miss all this these days.
after those school years, the colony always had a flag hoisting ceremony in one of the empty plots. i would be surprised, but most of the colony jantha would actually show up for this and the Independence Day ceremony. Some local politician would show up, give a speech. Some appointed resident would sing some songs (I think one year it was me and someone else, if I recall, and we sang some desh-bhakthi song, it turned out pretty well). Then the national anthem of course, after flag hoisting. Sweets distributed and we went back home. Last year, we were back home. Parents were attending the flag hoisting, and they ended up taking N with them. Moi decided to catch up on some much needed sleep. So off N went with his grandparents for the ceremony. Apparently he was a very good boy there. I'll bet he had a total blast (as he did with everything on that trip).
And then, the residents association plans a get-together in the evening with programs from the colony kids...the usual songs, dances, skits, etc...some adults also take part. Followed by dinner. Good way for the neighbours to meet up and socialize. Good opportunity for the kids to show case their talents. One year, G and I did a few pop numbers. I belted away the songs and G accompanied on the guitar. Good stuff.
Anyway, I miss all this these days.
Friday, January 21, 2011
To my Love
You are tall, fair and handsome. Your eyes are the biggest ones I've ever seen. Your smile lights up the universe. You are smart and funny and intelligent and goofy. Your appetite for fun is limitless. You are sensitive and sometimes shy. You are innocent. You love people and attach yourself to their hearts. Your mind is exploring the world, and it fascinates me to see it work. You are figuring things out fast. You are learning two languages at once. You are polite with strangers. You are patient with your friends. When you give me a hug or a kiss, I feel such incredible joy that I cannot believe it. You are tall, fair and handsome. When I put my face against yours, and feel your soft skin against mine, I feel peace. Sometimes, you drive me up the wall, but you make me forget that in a second. Your eyes are so huge and magnetic, I wonder how I will keep the girls away from you in a few years!
You are tall, fair and handsome. And you are mine......
....at least, until you walk out that door one day, to your own world, to your own life, to your own new beginnings. You will break my heart when you do that, but you will leave a part of you with me always.
And that will be with me forever.
You are tall, fair and handsome. And you are mine......
....at least, until you walk out that door one day, to your own world, to your own life, to your own new beginnings. You will break my heart when you do that, but you will leave a part of you with me always.
And that will be with me forever.
Blogs galore
I like blogs. I like reading blogs. I obviously like writing in my own blog, though it doesn't end up being as frequent as I'd like. I still like reading other people's blogs. Some of them I read regularly. Others I come across through blogs I read or random surfing when time allows me. It amazes me how many different kinds there are. And the way in which different people write. Never in the history of humankind has such a variety of expressions been unleashed! A few minutes and an inclination is all it takes for thoughts to become online print, for creative juices to flow, for opinions to be stated and over-stated, for diatribes to be put forth, for random ramblings to be penned down, for vitreol to be vented....
Some blogs are a pure pleasure to read. Some humorous, some poignant, some touching, some genuine. Some informative, some inventive, some entertaining. And equally - some annoying, some unbelievably opinionated, some verbose, some boring. In the end, its totally the writer's prerogative, so read only if you want. That's the best part.
I know of people who have formed blogging communities. They met through their blogs, and outside that, their lives would not have intersected in any other way. They go on to become a tight-knit circle of friends offline too! The power of the internet sometimes is crazy and amazing.
Some blogs are a pure pleasure to read. Some humorous, some poignant, some touching, some genuine. Some informative, some inventive, some entertaining. And equally - some annoying, some unbelievably opinionated, some verbose, some boring. In the end, its totally the writer's prerogative, so read only if you want. That's the best part.
I know of people who have formed blogging communities. They met through their blogs, and outside that, their lives would not have intersected in any other way. They go on to become a tight-knit circle of friends offline too! The power of the internet sometimes is crazy and amazing.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
If Ifs and Buts...
It amazes me sometimes when I do get around to thinking about it - how restless the mind is. My mind, at least. P wonders why I have to complicate things always. He's wrong now. I do not complicate - I guess. I just think, maybe over-think things. Well, he is right in many ways, as he usually is about many things, contrary to what my - ahem, histrionics may lead one to conclude I feel. But that's a completely separate point.
The point originally was about my restless mind and the way in which I play out and re-play out scenarios, consequences, alternatives, and the what-ifs. Its just my wiring. I cannot imagine being any other way, and, while, again as P rightly points out, this is the leading cause of a lot of perhaps unnecessary heartburn, I do believe that its what makes me me - the person who over-thinks and over-feels, yes, but the person who always looks out, thinks ahead, plans and makes sure that the engine runs smoothly. The person who makes sure intent meets execution, the one who can be counted upon at the end of the day. Well, anyway..
Sometimes, though, it does seem like it would be simpler to simply abandon the ifs and the buts and just go with the flow, even if for a fleeting while. So that the mind might rest, take a breather and let that really elusive thing called acceptance in for an even briefer fleeting moment....sigh...
The point originally was about my restless mind and the way in which I play out and re-play out scenarios, consequences, alternatives, and the what-ifs. Its just my wiring. I cannot imagine being any other way, and, while, again as P rightly points out, this is the leading cause of a lot of perhaps unnecessary heartburn, I do believe that its what makes me me - the person who over-thinks and over-feels, yes, but the person who always looks out, thinks ahead, plans and makes sure that the engine runs smoothly. The person who makes sure intent meets execution, the one who can be counted upon at the end of the day. Well, anyway..
Sometimes, though, it does seem like it would be simpler to simply abandon the ifs and the buts and just go with the flow, even if for a fleeting while. So that the mind might rest, take a breather and let that really elusive thing called acceptance in for an even briefer fleeting moment....sigh...
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Cobbler
Fresh Fuji apples+ Cinnamon+ Flour+ Vanilla extract+ Butter+ Brown sugar+ Baking powder+ 375 degrees for 40 minutes = amazing apple cobbler.
Best to be consumed with vanilla ice-cream. Optional of course for the calorie conscious.
By very popular demand, made another batch the next day. This time I threw in Bartlett pears and cherries as well.
Deliciouso.
Best to be consumed with vanilla ice-cream. Optional of course for the calorie conscious.
By very popular demand, made another batch the next day. This time I threw in Bartlett pears and cherries as well.
Deliciouso.
Of old friends...and old, old songs
Hearing from that friend from ages ago...what a refreshing way to start the new year. Looking forward to the conversations. Sometimes, making a little bit of time is so worth it.
On another note (no pun intended), I was driving back home yesterday with N, and out of the blue, I started to sing that old old Bengali song...."Dhithom Dhithom"....at first, the words completely eluded me....its been what? 15 years? My God!!! And what a history that song has....prize-winning and heart-warming, and a hundred other things.....those days, all of us, forgotten friendships, competitive spirits and putting your heart and your soul into something that you believed in, and wanted to be the best at!! And we were...oh, how we were...
Anyway, as I was saying....I started to sing....and faltered. The words seem hazy, but I totally remember the tune of the lovely song....and as I struggled with the first few words, suddenly they came back to me....and suddenly, there I was...belting the beautiful words out loud!! The melody became clearer and louder and there I was, singing away to my heart's content.....and I looked back to see N staring with mouth open...what was Mamma doing....haven't heard this one before? And as I finished, N starts to clap, and looks all happy and amused! Perfect end to a perfect memory.
I am amazed that I remembered all the words. Exactly as I had learnt them all those many years ago. Sweet memories of that sweet girl....Thank you Baisali....
On another note (no pun intended), I was driving back home yesterday with N, and out of the blue, I started to sing that old old Bengali song...."Dhithom Dhithom"....at first, the words completely eluded me....its been what? 15 years? My God!!! And what a history that song has....prize-winning and heart-warming, and a hundred other things.....those days, all of us, forgotten friendships, competitive spirits and putting your heart and your soul into something that you believed in, and wanted to be the best at!! And we were...oh, how we were...
Anyway, as I was saying....I started to sing....and faltered. The words seem hazy, but I totally remember the tune of the lovely song....and as I struggled with the first few words, suddenly they came back to me....and suddenly, there I was...belting the beautiful words out loud!! The melody became clearer and louder and there I was, singing away to my heart's content.....and I looked back to see N staring with mouth open...what was Mamma doing....haven't heard this one before? And as I finished, N starts to clap, and looks all happy and amused! Perfect end to a perfect memory.
I am amazed that I remembered all the words. Exactly as I had learnt them all those many years ago. Sweet memories of that sweet girl....Thank you Baisali....
Monday, January 03, 2011
Reaching out
Reaching out....
To people who I have not reached out to in a long while. To say Hi and see how they have been doing. To see where life has taken them. To hear their voice or see them in person. See that they have moved along just as I have...a new wife, a new husband, a new baby...a new place, and new beginnings...
Staying in touch....
With people that I want to stay in touch with. But have not been able to, for various reasons. People I liked, people I loved. People who made me smile, laugh and love. People who meant a lot, still do. People who make me realize that life really is way too short...
To people who I have not reached out to in a long while. To say Hi and see how they have been doing. To see where life has taken them. To hear their voice or see them in person. See that they have moved along just as I have...a new wife, a new husband, a new baby...a new place, and new beginnings...
Staying in touch....
With people that I want to stay in touch with. But have not been able to, for various reasons. People I liked, people I loved. People who made me smile, laugh and love. People who meant a lot, still do. People who make me realize that life really is way too short...
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Search
You search for the thing that you think will make you happy
You search for it high and low
You stress and you fuss and you hem and you haw
And yet you know it eludes you...
You search for the thing that you think you have wanted
For so long that time seems inconsequential now
You look for it here and you look for it there
And still the thing eludes you
You give it time and you give it your soul
And yet there seems to be no answer
that will ease the pain and calm the mind
And your search - it continues...
You search for the thing that you think you deserve
And suddenly after all the time has gone by
You finally open your eyes and you open your mind
With a little help from outside
You open your eyes and you finally see
That which is plain and clear
The thing that you have been searching for for so long
Is right there right in front of you.
You search for it high and low
You stress and you fuss and you hem and you haw
And yet you know it eludes you...
You search for the thing that you think you have wanted
For so long that time seems inconsequential now
You look for it here and you look for it there
And still the thing eludes you
You give it time and you give it your soul
And yet there seems to be no answer
that will ease the pain and calm the mind
And your search - it continues...
You search for the thing that you think you deserve
And suddenly after all the time has gone by
You finally open your eyes and you open your mind
With a little help from outside
You open your eyes and you finally see
That which is plain and clear
The thing that you have been searching for for so long
Is right there right in front of you.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Mantra for 2011
More patience, More positivity, More perseverance, More passion.
And more letting go....
Amen.
And more letting go....
Amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)