blossom heaven

Spring sprang upon us early this time, and so the cherry blossoms peaked last week here in DC.  Cant adequately describe how lovely it was.  Tried to capture the blossoms on our camera. Turned out pretty decently.

gym time

Attended cardio kickboxing class at the gym today followed by pilates.  The cardio class had me panting and red faced.  Towards the end of the class, I was desperately looking at the clock wondering how many minutes were left and if I would last.  Guess I got the work out I was looking for.  Man.  A little sore now, but imagining how much fitter I will feel if I keep this up is motivating me to go back.  Pilates was great too.  Total ab work out.  Need to work on the breathing and mental focus.  Will do that next time.  Oh, but wait, for now - there's a vacation looming between me and my next class.   :-))

Leyland Ridge in bloom

 Tree in our front yard.

Street outside home.  Picture was taken on a cloudy morning.  When the sun came out, the flowers looked even more eye-catching.

spring

It is in the air.  Went to sleep one night and woke up the next morning to see the big tree in the front yard in full bloom.  Clusters of white flowers.  Walked outside in amazement and saw the entire street lined with trees in full flowering splendor.  Just like that, just to fill the senses with awe.  Go anywhere in town this week, and riots of white and pink and yellow greet you.  Magic in the air.  It's a beautiful world.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Three weeks to go.  Then three countries in three weeks.  Uhhh, stressful?  Possibly!  Exciting?  Hell, yeah!!

So much to be done, and not enough time!!  Yikes!!

She tries to remember what she would tell the child when he was in pain or scared.  She would tell him to try and be brave.  Now it was time to walk that talk.  She has to be brave.  Even though anxiety and uncertainty are threatening to take over.  In a fleeting second when thoughts are in over-drive and she can de-focus from the fear of the moment, she wonders how she could have possibly not realized and addressed the issue and situation earlier.  Perhaps it was because she was so totally pre-occupied with something else back then.  Pre-occupied to the point of obsession.  How can one be pre-occupied for the better part of a year, she now wonders.  Why didn't she open her eyes and really see?  Why didn't she put herself and her needs in the foreground?  Her real needs, not the perceived ones, the ones that perhaps were responsible for her situation now.  It is so that sometimes in life, you are forced to live and learn.  It is just that sometimes, the lesson comes a little too late.  And at a high price.  She forces herself to not let this frightening thought get to her.  She reminds herself that tomorrow, she will know.  And she will have access to help.  Today, though, calls for waiting.  And being brave.  As much as is at all possible.

#thisandthat

sixty degrees #whatwinter
capris and sandals and a half-sleeved cotton shirt to work in early March #springisintheair
a power yoga class that left all of us sweating and panting #tiredbutstrong
P back after a week away.  Just N and me felt somewhat strange #tempsinglemomblues
N runs into the room at the crack of dawn to get into bed with me, and realizes P is back and shouts with surprise and joy and says "Baba, I missed you!!" #heartoverflowswithlove
P and N make Saturday breakfast for all #boyscookwhileIputmyfeetup
I take N to Gymboree for a couple of hours where he gets nice and tired #naptimemadeeasy
ridiculous 90's Charlie Sheen movie (Terminal Velocity) that was actually entertaining with its nonsense #channelsurfingatitsbest
more gorgeous weather outside, playground beckons #makeplaywhilesunshines
turning out to be another nice, very domesticated weekend #whatotherkindisthere? :-)

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fu***** special
I wish I was special

~ Radiohead, "Creep"

realizations

Overwhelmed with relief
belief in the power of love
clarity in the meaning and purpose of things
self-awareness at a new peak
knowledge that there is a true time and a place for everything
confirmation that any change that you want to see or happen has to start with the self
blood does truly run thicker than water
change in attitude can have miraculous outcomes
And indeed...when one door closes...

Homeward bound!

Yeah baby!!  With a super exciting stop on the way!!!  Completely excited, and cannot wait.

my rock

Thank you for being there for me today, just like always.  Thanks for easing my mind on this anxious day.  Thanks for everything.  Thanks for teaching me yet again that although pain is a given, suffering is a choice.  Thanks for being my rock, again.

imagination

She imagines walking barefoot on the sand, taking care not to step over the shells and seaweed strewn on the beach.  She imagines the wind and the sound of the ocean loud enough to drown out the most persistent thoughts.  She imagines holding your hand and whispering nothings, sweet or not.  She imagines peace.

The child imagines a ladybug and the merry-go-round.  He imagines going round and round and shouting with joy.  He imagines the rainbow in the sky.  He imagines playing with his friends.  He takes a bite of his bread slice, looks at the remaining piece and imagines a colourful parachute drifting down in the blue sky.  The child's mind is full of imagined things.  Some so wonderful and fantastic that life seems like it is full of nothing but possibilities.  As it should be.  And she, when seeing the child imagine these wonderful and fantastic things, is transported to that special place again.  She realizes the sheer joy of imagining like a child.

You imagine a conversation.  A thought.  A feeling.  You imagine that good things will prevail.  You imagine a world where intent is enough.  Where patience is a rewarding virtue.  You imagine that silence is just as stimulating as a conversation.  You imagine that love so strong shall bind forever.  Indeed, you imagine that love will be enough.  Now and forever.  And she, she imagines all the passed time condensed into a single minute that flashes before her eyes.  She imagines what you imagine, for a brief second.  And in that brief second, she experiences clarity, and ecstasy.

milestone

How many milestones have we crossed in the last three and a half years of parenthood?  Oh, about a million, give or take.  It's been an unbelievably amazing ride.  And just last week, there was another.  And this one is quite significant, when I think about it.  For the first time, ever, N came to me and told me he was hungry and wanted something to eat.  Someone who is not a parent of a little child might immediately think - "Huh?".  But yes, its true.  For three and a half years, N was unable to articulate hunger, even though that, really, was his most basic need.  We would always need to feed him when it was time to feed him.  Read the signs, know when he ate last, what he ate, and how much, and how much time has passed since he ate, how active he'd been, etc.  If he got hungry, it would manifest itself in crankiness and hyperactivity (although those can also be signs of exhaustion).  But he was never able to recognize that what he was feeling was hunger, and that if he just told me or his dad or whoever was with him, he would be fed.  Amazing.  He began to articulate all sorts of things when he learnt to express himself and also when he learnt to talk, but never was he able to articulate his need for food.  Until last week. 

Well, I guess now I can look forward to years of "Mommmm! What's there to eat???" .  I feel like I should start a fund for feeding him when he's a teenager.  Gosh, I remember how much my brother and cousin brothers, etc used to eat when we were kids.  :-)  There are some stories which I think I need permission to publicly report. :-)

stronger, again!

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
(my comment: Gosh NO, it doesn't!)

You know I dream in color
and do the things I want
(my comment: Yeah!!)

Still harping on this song.  I do like it a lot.  Here is the Glee version.  Also well done.  I am not a follower of Glee, but when I am surfing and happen to chance upon it, its not too bad at all.  The African American singer is really good BTW.  A very strong, yet melodious voice.

what doesn't kill you

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller...

~Kelly Clarkson

Like this one.  I like this girl, and think she was one of the few Idol winners with true star potential and has deserved all the limelight.  This song is quite upbeat and boosts my mood every time I hear it.  Also like the video, and think all the amateur dancers are quite funny.  I would totally look like that if I was to star in a music video.  Not that I'm planning to.  Just saying :))

 

Tulips.  Pink ones and yellow ones.  So pretty.  Hugs and kisses.  A darling new song that N learnt and rendered which I have recorded for posterity.  A special card he made for me at school.  A perfect sunset.  A warm winter's day.  Loved it. 

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go that does...

- Hermann Hesse

inspiration

I'm trying to do a lot of reading up on yoga these days, and in the course of browsing around, I came across an article about the controversy of using yoga as a guise to showcase the female body to sell stuff.  Links from there eventually led me to this video and a related article on the model in the video -  Briohny Smyth.  Well, this post is not about the topic of using nakedness or sex to advertise something.  In general, I have a somewhat complicated opinion about that.  It's complicated because the fact of the matter is that a beautiful human body when revealed is just eye-catching.  I have a problem with using a naked woman to sell car tires.  It is just too ridiculously blatant.  However, if you are selling underwear, then why would you not choose a beautiful person to model that underwear for you?  Anyway, that topic, like I said is probably deserving of a whole other blog post.  Coming back to this video - this model here is being used to advertise Equinox underwear.  That's what she is wearing.  And only that.  But what is totally and completely riveting about the clip is what she is doing to model the garments.  She is supposedly some yoga expert, and boy, is that true.  I was speechless as I watched what she does here.  Take a look.  The fact that she has a near perfect body, and the underwear she is modelling is of course pretty cool too is plain secondary. What jumps out are the sheer strength, grace, and perfection of the yoga poses she is performing here.  Just look at her arm strength and balance.  What I would not give to be able to do what she does here.  Wonder how many hours and years of practice were required to reach this level of achievement and strength.  Amazing.  The awesome NYC apartment and NYC views add a fantastic backdrop to the visual.  Three minutes of pure inspiration.

Stolen from R's blog (thanks :-D)

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."   --  Frank Herbert

today's random musings

~ the most effective use of the time you are willing and able to spend on the elliptical machine is to do interval training.  Get your heart rate to go really high for five minutes, followed by a lower (but still higher than normal) rate for five minutes, and so on, until the muscles in your thighs reach their pain threshold.

~ Katy Perry is the most annoying singer/performer that I have ever come across.

~ Everyday N is learning new grammatical constructs, both in English and Kannada.  He still has an adorable baby lisp.  He makes the cutest of grammatical mistakes while putting his sentences together.  I feel I should correct him, but its so cute and funny to hear him that way, and I know that oh, so soon, he will learn to say it the right way, and this baby stuff will be a thing of the past, that I don't want to correct him...:)

~ Mildest winter I have seen in this place in all these years.  Not complaining.

~ Once in a long while, making a new friend could be a really nice thing.

~ Been feeling nostalgic of very specific things about home sometimes these days.  Certain smells and certain tastes, for instance. 

~ I have this vision of lying on a beach.  Soaking up the sun.  Driving miles and miles along the coast.  Gazing over the blue, blue waters.  Soon. :-)